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What's love got to do with it?

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What's love got to do with it?

Rated: 2.94 / 5 | 1,623 listing views What's love got to do with it?

Belgium

 

Parental Guidance

  • modobs
  • August 02, 2007 10:19:18 PM
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A Little About Us

This blog is about the curious relationships between the opposite sex.

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All my friends are falling in love

“All my friends are falling in love”, the new song from the Vaccines, popped on my Facebook wall this morning, with  a little video composed of various pictures from couples. Facebook, Instagram, … are often criticized for their influence on our mood. People can  feel depressed by looking at the pictures of other people who...

“All my friends are falling in love”, the new song from the Vaccines, popped on my Facebook wall this morning, with  a little video composed of various pictures from couples.

Facebook, Instagram, … are often criticized for their influence on our mood. People can  feel depressed by looking at the pictures of other people who seem to have a better life than we. So we can belittled if our “friends” on Facebook seem to are happy while it’s not the case for us.

But people select the pictures they post on social media. Even if they are depressed, or mourning the lost of a love one. Social medias don’t reflect our real emotions. That’s why you will only see happy pictures of your “friends” on Facebook and Instagram.

For couples, it’s the same. Especially when we fall in love. When we are in love, we just want to scream the love we have for our significant other. It’s tempting to post our pictures with our love one, kissing or hugging each other on social medias.  Even when we’re older, the temptation doesn’t fade away.

Is it difficult to only live the moment? After all, the feeling of falling in love is intense, in the first months of every relationship. It’s a phase when we can’t have enough of our love one, and want to be next to his/her every time. It’s called fusion. But it doesn’t last very long.

Yet, it’s precious. That’s why it’s so tempting to take pictures of our fragile love. We also are tempting to capture every short-lived moment. Especially if those moments bring joy. I do take pictures with my friends when I’m happy spending time with them. Sometimes, I post those pictures, to thank them for that moment.

But I remind I didn’t post any picture of my loved one on Facebook when we were in love and when Facebook was already running.

Is posting our love on social medias the new sign to say we’re off the market? Before, to hold the hand in public was the sign to say we’re off the market.

Besides, it’s also practical to introducing to our family and friends the one you love, even I would prefer if my friends and family introducing to me their new love one face to face.

It’s also a way to have revenge on our ex who let us down for somebody else. Even if it’s not a good idea.

So, do you post pictures of your couple on social media?


The algorithm of love?

eHarmony, a dating site, just announced in Lisbon today during Websummit 2018, that thanks to artificial intelligence, it could support people to ask for date after a online conversation.  “There are many conversations on our site, but there are few dates in general ” said eHarmony CEO during the conference. Loveflutter, an british dating app,...

eHarmony, a dating site, just announced in Lisbon today during Websummit 2018, that thanks to artificial intelligence, it could support people to ask for date after a online conversation.  “There are many conversations on our site, but there are few dates in general ” said eHarmony CEO during the conference.

Loveflutter, an british dating app, plans to analyze conversations on their app to find if two people are compatible. It want to send a message to the two chatters to suggest a date “because it reduces the pressure to ask for a date” said Loveflutter CEO.

Sean Rad, Tinder founder, predicts that Siri, the vocal assistant on your iPhone, could serve as an go-between.

But would you follow your phone if Siri or another artificial “intelligence” suggest you to date the person you are messaging?

I’m not very convinced. How can an artificial intelligence judge if you are compatible with your messenger?

I have plenty of experiences on Tinder where I started to chat with a guy who seemed to have some common points with me, only to lose them in the sea of algorithms on Tinder.

There are many reasons why some people just vanish after some conversations on dating sites. The number one is, like my friend said, the coldness of internet. “I don’t feel any spark with any guy I met online” she told me. She prefers to flirt with men in real life, even if it’s very difficult. “Usually, I’m very disappointed by the guy when I met him in real life after a chat with him on a dating app” she said.

The second reason is the many choices dating sites and app offer you. Why bet on only person when there are so plenty fish in the sea?  This perspective, to have always someone to find on internet, has done a true damage to relationships, says sociologists like Eva Illouz.

The third reason is just because people can’t forget their ex. Or are just depressed. They prefer to have distance with people they meet, even online.

Besides, an algorithm has flaws. Cathy o’Neil, a mathematician, said in her last book  that in the age of algorithms, it should lead to fairness, but the opposite is true and lead to discrimination.

So, would you trust an algorithm? It’s like asking “are you satisfied by your Google Search”? or “the people you may know” on Facebook. Usually, you are never satisfied by your first answer…

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Opting out

In the #metoo area, are women all equal with men? Not that much. Women still earn less than men. One explanation is a trend to work part time. When you work less, you earn less. Many of my female friends choose to sacrifice their professional time to care for their young children. As they earn...

In the #metoo area, are women all equal with men? Not that much. Women still earn less than men. One explanation is a trend to work part time. When you work less, you earn less. Many of my female friends choose to sacrifice their professional time to care for their young children. As they earn less than their husband, they accept to sacrifice a bit of their professional time. Their husband, on other hand, receive promotions, bonus, … In other words, they climb the social ladder, while my friends can’t expect that much with their sacrifice.

Another explanation is the wrong advice to do what you love. Most of the time, the things you love to do are barely financial profitable. I don’t earn anything from my blog, even if I love to write on it. Unfortunately, on social networks, like Facebook, I see many of my friends, mostly women, posting philosophical sentences like that on their wall. As if that goal was the golden rule. Failures are at high risk if you want to do what you love.

But there are also women who choose to opt out. Recently, I went to a conference where two startups CEO chatted about their wife. One of them said his wife is also an entrepreneur and have her own company. The other one said his wife choose to opt out because of their five children. “It was impossible for us if both of us were working to care for the children. When my wife was pregnant with our fifth child, we decided it was best for us if she stopped working” he said. The other CEO looked at him horrified. He said they don’t plan to have any child yet, because his wife and him were still too young. He added he didn’t want his wife to sacrifice her career.

I’m not really worried for the wife with five children, as she comes from a wealthy family. She didn’t have to work anyway. But for women who are not that wealthy, the choice to opt out is a terrible decision for their career and financial situation.

Unfortunately, their marriage can end with a divorce. And they can be financial fragile after a divorce. Their children will also grow up and leave the house. When you spend your time away from any social activity because of your kid, it can be difficult to end up alone when your kid leave the house.

Beside, when you have a daughter, what kind of model you want to teach her? To be financial independent? Or to marry a rich guy?  I can’t imagine a situation where you say to your daughter you want her to be financial independent while you are just married to a wealthy guy?

In our modern society, it’s also riskier to expect to stay in a long term relationship. We break easily. Is it because we are disillusioned and fall for anything glittering?


Status

A while ago, I went to a date where the guy asked me if I was a chief in my company. I was shocked by his question because I thought he will reject me if I answered a negative sentence. But I told him the truth. And he never contacted me after our date. During...

A while ago, I went to a date where the guy asked me if I was a chief in my company. I was shocked by his question because I thought he will reject me if I answered a negative sentence. But I told him the truth. And he never contacted me after our date. During our date, he also told me he collects art, and attends every art fair in my country. He mentioned one I often attend but never buy anything there because it’s too expensive for me. But he said he buys there one or two paintings every year.

I guess he was looking for a rich woman who leads a company. I’m not like that.

So, men have a precise idea of the woman who will share their existence. It depends on their values. On Tinder, I saw one guy who said in his profile he doesn’t want tattooed women. And who are not the queen of parties.

One of my friends always complains to me women are not attracted to him because he’s just a computer programmer. He says women are attracted by MD or architects. In fact, I only met once a woman who was looking for a MD. Most of my female friends are married either to their high school sweetheart or to someone they met regularly at the gym, at work, or during their hobbies. None of their husband is a MD nor an architect. In fact, architects marry architects and MD marry MD. Most of the time. Birds of a feather always fly together.

But my friend is also very picky with women he met.

I think we all look for someone who is compatible with us. That means someone who shares some common points and values with us. It could be the love of bicycles, bikes, money, loyalty, kindness, cinema, dance, …

Unfortunately, there are also people who are not with the best intentions. Narcissistic people will look for a victim. Greedy and shallow people will look for rich people to have a golden existence, even if they’re not rich. There are crooks in love.


Hard to love

“I’d rather be hard to love than easy to leave” Some people are not easy to love. Sometimes, it’s because they are afraid to be disappointed or betrayed, so they keep a distance with every person who tries to have a relationship with them. They were betrayed in the past from an ex lover. And...

“I’d rather be hard to love than easy to leave”

Some people are not easy to love. Sometimes, it’s because they are afraid to be disappointed or betrayed, so they keep a distance with every person who tries to have a relationship with them. They were betrayed in the past from an ex lover. And their heart is just locked. Chat échaudé craint l’eau chaude, we says in French. Sometimes it’s because they’re emotionally unavailable. People who are emotionally unavailable are either married, in another relationship, a star, or narcissistic, depressed, or have a child trauma. But even if they are emotionally unavailable, they still want to be loved.

When we try to have a relationship with someone who is hard to love, we can feel a lot of frustrations, because our significant other can be distant with us. They can be afraid of our attempts to be closer with them, either physically or emotionally. You tell them you love them, and they don’t answer or just disappear. You touch them and they back off.

Some people are fine like that. Because they are also avoidant. But if you are anxious, it can be difficult to bear. Unfortunately, people with anxious attachment are often attracted to people with avoidant attachment. It’s a toxic relationship because the anxious one will pursue the avoidant with the fear of losing them. While the avoidant will only pull away.

So, how could we love someone with avoidant attachment? Space is the sole answer. Live your own independent life. But you risk to take your heart and walk away.

Common sense would be to stay away from people who are emotionally unstable. Especially if you need to feel loved. But the heart sometimes wants something impossible.


A kiss on the first date

Is it ok to kiss on the first date? It depends. I’ve been to many dates where I was not sure at all about the man I had in front of me. I’ve only kissed one of my dates on the first date because I found him so sexy with his blue shirt and I...

Is it ok to kiss on the first date? It depends. I’ve been to many dates where I was not sure at all about the man I had in front of me. I’ve only kissed one of my dates on the first date because I found him so sexy with his blue shirt and I felt secured with him. After all, we all look for someone attractive.

Most of the time, I’ve waited at least until the third date to kiss, to evaluate our interactions and our compatibility.  I also believe that men who can wait and still date me until the third date are interested in me. One of my friends told me she considers rude when a man pushes to interact physically on the first date. “It could mean he’s just interested in having sex with you” she says.

Unfortunately, there are no rules when it comes to kiss on the first date. One of my friends told me he kissed his date on the first date, and so far, they are still going strong, after two years.

I guess the best way to decide if you want to kiss on the first date is to listen to your gut. If you don’t feel any spark after the first date, where we are supposed to be at our best, maybe it’s the sign it’s not going well. But if you feel a spark, and want to wait to kiss your date, it’s ok.


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