This is my favorite topic these days. The good news about being a well traveled person is that you’ve traveled far and wide. The bad news is the unless your friends travel in the same Read more… The post Nap-time Versus Making Friends in Your 30s appeared first on Someplace Else...

This is my favorite topic these days. The good news about being a well traveled person is that you’ve traveled far and wide. The bad news is the unless your friends travel in the same time zones as you, it’s hard. Sometimes laziness (aka nap-times), and sometimes just the need for physical conversations can make it difficult. Long distance friendships are just as doomed as you would expect.

(Although it always feels nice, after a day you speak for hours dissing everything, especially affordability with Sabhyasachi. I missed these girls!)

Nap-time Versus Making Friends in Your 30s

Thirties are particularly difficult, because you have standards. Some ridiculous (e.g. Bibimbap) while some thought through (e.g. feminism). Like books, friends can make you question beliefs, and that’s exactly what is difficult to achieve with most acquaintances. Making friends in your 30s provides a plethora of options:

1. A common hobby, activist idea or interest group
2. An ethnic /religious group
3. Old friends – because you spent middle school through college in one city
4. Neighbors
5. Play dates with other parents since you have kids
6. Friends at work
7. Institutional friends- meaning you studied together in the same place
8. Blind dates at: Gym/bar/yoga class/vegan deli/farmer’s market/you pick
9. Family relations
10. Gaping hole of Internet

All of this in younger times was simpler:

1. Studying in the same class
2. Living in the neighborhood

In general, all those 1 to 10 options are cute, but I seem to have no time to do anything about things that I even like. And I don’t even have a baby (or dog) to take care of. I am submerged with the thoughts of grocery, yoghurt, lunch for the week, unanswered emails, books I’d like to read, random watercoloring fits, and nap-time. Sometimes I’m too exhausted, even if I’d like to be friendly. It’s easier to fall back to old friends who you don’t have to start explaining anything.

I’ve had a complete summer break from anything social (including the Internet, except random  voyeuristic pleasure of going through Instagrammed Indian textiles). I wish we had a Brooklyn-esque borough to randomly hang around city steps or creative picnic spots. In these times, I miss the pretentiousness of Hauz Khas lanes.

Has black mirror created a 99.8% friendship yet?

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In my movie going years as a grown up, I remember Dev D as being the landmark change on a mass level. Before that there were several one off attempts in the mid 2000s that Read more… The post Sacred Games: And How Indian TV Has Finally Revolted appeared first on Someplace Else...

In my movie going years as a grown up, I remember Dev D as being the landmark change on a mass level. Before that there were several one off attempts in the mid 2000s that I saw in half empty theaters and loved them. But Dev D felt like a scaled change. For our Television which regressed with Ekta Kapoor’s formulaic junk, I feel Sacred Games (even if it’s on Netflix) has changed the game. This is an infinitely better follow up to the days Indian TV saw in the 80s than what we’ve been fed in the last 20 years. For that, I am grateful.

Varun Grover, Anurag Kashyap, Nawazuddin Siddiqui and the extremely strong ensemble cast of the series makes me so happy. Note:Thank you for not translating and letting people speak in Marathi and Punjabi, like normal people. Our discussions are the translations for Fattu, and women’s representation. And how an epic story across decades translates to the screen.

Changing the conversations with Sacred Games

We are talking about things that matter like creative liberties into describing a patriarchal, misogynistic world. Indian TV’s most beautiful transgender and so many emotive layers in personal narratives. There’s much to talk about and the way it’s gone out to the world is powerful. I want our Western (and many Indian) brethren to realize/see that our movies are not just musicals with little thought and expressionless actors. For a country of a billion, that’s a poor representation, and we need a dose of our own culture like this. Because if you don’t like what is being said about you, change the conversation.

As a viewer, I’m so happy with this change and Netflix- for this alone, I’m yours. Especially when it’s so Indian, set in India and needs to be translated into Indian languages from English. We have writers taking center stage, sharing their stories and research for authenticity and great production values.

This is not to say that it Sacred Games is flawless, and I am happy about the female representations. I’d like to believe that Grover/Nath/Singh have elevated the scope of what the book offered. But considering they’re working on a medium that has larger reach (compared to the book), also gives them a stronger responsibility.

Also, for people wanting to see it internationally, it’s not spoon-fed and needs people to look up cultural references. Like everyone else in the world does when they watch a movie based in the midwest.

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Although, the memorial day weekend is the unofficial start of summer, we really are still in spring (even at 80 degrees). I’m still on track to do 50 books a year (tadaa!) and I am Read more… The post 2018 Spring Reading: Diversity in Reading Across Cultures appeared first on Someplace Else...

Although, the memorial day weekend is the unofficial start of summer, we really are still in spring (even at 80 degrees). I’m still on track to do 50 books a year (tadaa!) and I am so glad that I’ve finally gone back to reading fiction, after what feels like years. The difference this time is that, unlike my school years, I am finally reading a bunch of new authors and stories of diverse characters. Here’s my 2018 spring reading list!

Previously in 2018: Winter reading

Books in red are for children (varying ages), so if you’re an adult into only adult books skip to the darker black titles instead

2018 Spring Reading List: What Have You Been Reading?

1. Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage, Haruki Murakami

Japan is like a dream. Urban Japan, more specifically Tokyo is a lonely dream. Even in an English translation, Murakami’s God-like prose hits home with all the themes that may me sad, wistful and more. You go back and forth in dreams, reality, cities, friends and everything else in between. There are forces in your internal world that make you see yourself better. Murakami makes you see them more.

2. South and West, Joan Didion

Traveling through the South in the 70s has Didion pen down a simple diary. The South is in fact the future, and not California, which is forever in denial. It’s incredible to read it in 2018 and realize it still feels true.

3. Lucky You, Carl Hiassen

For a moment, I felt that this was a recent book. Turned out it was from the 90s. I do not know if the political and faith based conversation in the U.S. simply repeats like economic cycles, or does it mean that there’s no real change. Despite its crime-fiction themes, it opens up a can of worms on race, religion and the politics of news-making.

4. Flat Broke With Two Goats, Jennifer McGaha

I LOVED this book. The humor in its misery makes it so authentic and unbelievably open. I do not know if I’d ever have the courage or the depth to pen a memoir which opens up the soul so casually. It’s middle of nowhere America, a financially un-savvy farmer and author with goats. Things go wrong in the most American ways. Deep, astute cultural observations from McGaha are incredible. I could imagine a Frances McDormand led Coen brothers’ movie.

5. Home Fire, Kamila Shamsie

Kashmir follows me. I began not knowing it had anything to do with Roganjosh or bombs. It was a big scale, a magnum opus, and in parts unputdownable. I enjoyed it, but did not really want the ending it led to. I felt like it was rushed in and oversimplified towards the end.

6. The Life-Changing Art of Tidying Up, Marie Kondo

In month two since I read it, I am still folding. I am still not collecting, and so I do believe I have not had a relapse. I feel it’s powerful, and although you may have reached this in many different ways, I enjoyed the book for what it delivers. It’s a life stage concept, and may not be the best written book out there, but for me it works.

7.  Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg

Again, not the most brilliantly written book, but conceptually there are things that I could not ignore. Sometimes it is necessary for someone else to point out things men and women may have internalized over years without really questioning. Any book that pushes boundaries so is valuable as a cultural discourse, if nothing else.

8. Homegoing, Yaa Gyasi

The book takes covers ground in Ghana and America. From the British colonizers, to American slave owners to present day conversations over race, this is important now more than ever before. I felt Kayne West needs to be gifted this one in bulk. It’s a whole big canvas in the sheer scale it covers. Also reminded me how much I enjoy reading historical fiction.

9. Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, Gail Honeyman

It feels like I lived in Scotland in another lifetime. Eleanor Oliphant is so phenomenally normal, yet different (and troubled) that it’s hard to stop reading. It reminded me of Catcher in the Rye many times. Who really is regular? I belong to the camp that loves this book (you may see a split camp on the internet).

Listening to #audiobooks wanting them to never end. Obsessing with #books and well-written fiction is so much fun. This one was particularly good. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #illustration #illustrated #sketchbook #art #artsy #springfever #reading #booklover #eleanoroliphantiscompletelyfine #newbooks #nowreading #bookworm #booknerd #bookstagram #bookshelf

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10. Life of Pi, Yann Martel

The first time I attempted this book was in 2005 in Glasgow. I could not move forward and had to try again this year. I hadn’t seen the movie too, to not get the whole plot twist. And now I want to see the movie and know what story my mother believed in. I have to ask though, what’s Martel’s animal obsession coming from?

11. Stay With Me, Ayobami Adebayo

As a culture, why do we crave parenthood so deeply? Is it just the ability to pass on genes, or the innate need to claim our creation. Nigeria adds depth and a nuance to a story which is universal and yet inherently personal.

12. Breadcrumbs, Anne Ursu

Ursu brings back the story of the Snow Queen in a modern day Minnesota through the eyes of an adopted Indian middle-schooler. It’s a story of friendship, fitting in and many adult themes through a fairy tale premise. I enjoyed it.

13. The Bed Head of Ned, Steve Platto

Steve Platto is my real life boss, and this is a wonderful book for children. It reminded me of ‘The Background’- a short story by Saki.

Currently Reading: Chemistry, Manhattan Beach, Standard Deviation

What are your favorites this year so far?

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For the last many years of adulting, I feel life’s driving me as it pleases. Like a dog forcing you into the forest in all its excitement, it’s made me question: are you walking her, or Read more… The post Slow Living Weekend Rituals And Why You Need Them appeared first on Someplace Else...

For the last many years of adulting, I feel life’s driving me as it pleases. Like a dog forcing you into the forest in all its excitement, it’s made me question: are you walking her, or is it the other way around?  Maybe the whole reason we have tough experiences is to learn how to let go, because we can’t control it all. At the same time, we often need weekend rituals to pace ourselves and slow down.

Spontaneity is romantic, but I’m increasingly liking the idea of slow living and weekend rituals that get into the self-care and the take your time domain. It’s not a controlled exercise, but a bunch of things that help me create happiness around me. A daily routine (or a weekend ritual) can have lasting impact on how you may live your days, and consequently, your entire life.

Slow Living Through Weekend Rituals

1. Creating a relationship with the objects in your life

I just finished reading two of Marie Kondo’s books, and understanding the transformational change the Konmari method can be. Although I’ve only just begun discarding and folding, it’s an exercise for the long term. I’ve tried and failed several times before. The fact that I’ve moved so often in the last few years seems to be the only thing that has helped. However, I associate a lot of nostalgia with things in my life, and it’s often tough to let go. The idea that you must only keep things that inspire or spark joy in your life is very compelling.

You begin with clothes, books, all the way through to your kitchen and miscellaneous objects. You discard/donate/re-sell, thanking objects for what they provided you while they were with you and move on. Instead of focusing merely on utility, this method focuses on internalized joy – which is personal. The method can take months, so every weekend I try, bird by bird, till I reach a critical comfort point. It’s so relaxing to declutter.

In my extreme excitement of tidying up as a result of this #book and the #konmarimethod I’ve packed clothes in a trash bag, thrown my house key away and thankfully had my husband bring it back. Konmari 1: Belongings 0 . . . . . . . . . . . . . #konmari #books #justfinished #booklist #nowreading #readinglist #audiobooks #inspiredreading #bookstagram #inspired #midweekinspiration #tidyingup #tidying #intentionalliving

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2. Stillness- Because your attention is your soul spending yourself

It’s hard for me to not burn the candle from both sides, and I have often struggled to have any pockets of stillness. This has also meant that it’s easy to feel lost, lonely and just zoned out. A long walk, a long bath followed by an oil massage, listening to a book , sketching randomly, are all ways in which I am try to meditate. Giving myself the permission to not be hassled isn’t easy. It’s a practiced art form. Anytime I am investing in myself, is important.

3. Slow food and a seasonal cookbook

I’d love to make a cookbook at some time (please motivate me, someone :-)). For now, in line with my excessive attraction towards gardening and wanting to eat local/season for staying healthy, I bought my first cookbook. Instead of trying everything, every single weekday when I am exhausted, I am trying to use Sunday evenings for some prep work. This mostly includes making a little extra for lunches and snacks.

McFadden’s Six Seasons: A New Way with Vegetables is a slow food wonder. Not only does it let me know what’s seasonal (considering how Mangoes are available all year round in grocery stores here), it also gives me a related recipe. I love leafy greens but often cook them in a few, sparse ways (which I love). Learning a few new recipes is just something that makes choices a little more diverse. I hate having to look up my phone a thousand times while making anything, and am usually a visual learner (hello YouTube). This really is the first book I’ll refer to, but I think I feel a little more confident to launch into its promise of refreshing food.

How do you spend your slow weekends?

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Long work commutes mean that I’m often listening to a lot of radio and podcasts. I did a small list last year and have an update with my new favorites so far. Some of these Read more… The post Favorite Podcast Episodes: Languages Shape How We View the World appeared first on Someplace Else...

Long work commutes mean that I’m often listening to a lot of radio and podcasts. I did a small list last year and have an update with my new favorites so far. Some of these podcasts are old and I’ve just reached them slowly. Some of these made me cry, some just wonder. What would we do without stories well told?

Favorite Podcast Episodes of 2018

1. Lost In Translation, Hidden Brain

A few months ago, I heard a language podcast with interest. As a person who has struggled to adapt to multiple languages at different points in time, it was provoking. Languages stretch our brains and can alter how we see the world and ourselves.

At a recent women’s group event, as I introduced ideas to the community, I realized I had become a new version of myself. In Germany, language was often a deterrent in expressing myself in the best way possible. I struggled with the vocabulary of a 4 year old. In English, all the thoughts came alive. My husband often says I become a new person at home. It’s most definitely my switch into Kashmiri which owns me like no other.

2. So, a monkey and a horse walk into a bar, This American Life

All the stories in this episode are crazy. But thinking through our free, animalistic identities is heady. I ended up drawing a horse woman, being taken by the short story so intimately.

Heard the most amazing rendition of an excerpt from ‘The Wrong Heaven’ – from Amy Bonnaffons who inspired this #sketch . What a wild story! Would you want to ever turn into a horse ? . . . . . . . . . . #ifwisheswerehorses #thisamericanlife #thewrongheaven #books #shortstory #artwork #illustration #drawing #womenhorses #feminism #wildwomen

A post shared by Upasna Kakroo (@upasnakakroo) on Apr 1, 2018 at 8:30am PDT

3. What Gets Measured, Gets Managed, Hurry Slowly

There’s an alternate argument that questions this theory of management by measurement. But it blew my mind to think that there are more CEOs named John in the U.S. than women. The conditions are significantly worse for women of color. I had already started working on ideas for the Women Mentorship group with Brandanew, when I heard this podcast. It validated what I was feeling and reminded me that we’re not alone. I feel optimistic that more of us are talking these things through. I loved the idea of core hours. That may solve so many issues!

4. Debbie Millman talking with Kenny Fries about living with, and writing about disability, Design Matters

Sadly, we spend too much time on the latest news, and too little time on things that matter. I did not know much about Kenny Fries and this episode opened up this whole entire world of how the world deals with disability. It’s a very interesting insight into a life where you’re thrown into multiple issues beyond your control, and you come out with a deep understanding of who you are. Kenny is inherently inspiring.

5. On Death And Space Clouds, First Day Back

I have to begin listening to this show, but I am totally intrigued by this personal piece. So close to mother’s day, this is deeply moving. And makes me CRY about the need to document more. How do you keep people alive forever? I wish I knew my grandfathers better. I wish I understood why I begin so many unfinished stories with mothers named Baabi.

What are you listening to these days?

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I’ve done well if I reach home within forty-five minutes. A long commute like this means that I have infinite time to kill on my long drive. Often, this means, I am listening to radio, Read more… The post 2018 Winter Reading: The Movement from Physical to Digital Audio Books appeared first on Someplace Else...

I‘ve done well if I reach home within forty-five minutes. A long commute like this means that I have infinite time to kill on my long drive. Often, this means, I am listening to radio, podcasts and sundry other digital audio books. It doesn’t smell or feel like a physical book, but reading- I mean listening to- good books is just as mesmerizing. Here’s my 2018 winter reading list so far…

Books in red are for children (varying ages), so if you’re an adult into only adult books skip to the darker black titles instead. 

2018 Winter Reading List: What Have You Been Reading?

Previous lists here

1.  The Rules Do Not Apply- Ariel Levy

It’s amazing and an incredible read. This was the first audio book I heard while driving. Normally, I’d get exhausted but this one made me want to drive more. It’s a story of loss, personal insecurities, desperation and above all humanness in all its flawed ways. It’s by far the best thing I read last year (ok heard and maybe Jonathan Adler was my other close love).

2. Uprooted- Naomi Novik

Usually, I’d never listen to fantasy fiction, so this took me by surprise. It felt magical, dark and just like the wood, it pulls you in. I could NOT stop listening to it. So driving let to long walks to finally sitting on the couch with the headphones on. It’s addictive and such amazing storytelling!

3. The High Mountains of Portugal- Yann Martel

I feel like I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking about faith. Initially it felt necessary, then it became uncool and now I sometimes feel the need to express it. At varying times in life though- when going through loss, grief or anything deep, faith almost becomes the anchor which many of us cling to. I hadn’t read a magic realism book since The Last Song of Dusk. 

This book goes to places which I don’t want to respond to. It makes me question my faith, humanity and all else that comes in between. I felt dizzy when it ended, and have literally forced others at work to read it and let me know what they feel. I was compelled to share the experience of listening to Martel.

4. When Breath Becomes Air, Paul Kalanithi

Naturally, I sobbed for hours. Read when you have time and the heart to take a very strong book that will leave you questioning everything about life. Things that happen are tragic, but with the elevated feeling you get, this will not feel like a tragedy, till it does. It’s beautifully written and lingers on for a long time.

A bevy of children’s books

Here’s my quota from Jan through March. I read far fewer children’s books this quarter, as I was focused on creating my own (woot! woot!) but they’re like the love of my life, I always come back to a few. My winter bounty is shared below. I felt disappointed that I can no longer enjoy Dr. Suess. Quick reviews:

5. Edn’a tale, Lisze Bechtold: When you’re teaching kids that they can be comfortable in who they are, and make friends with everyone

6. Fine as we are, Craig Hall: Especially nice when you raise siblings or when a new baby comes home!

7. The House Takes a Vacation, Hoberman/Cravath: Unique and curious just like all your little babies. It’ll answer all the questions they ask :-).

8. Stone Soup With Matzoh Balls, Galser: We’ve all read the stone soup story in different ways. This one adds a new twist but always opens up doors to why kindness and common sense wins (in a hopeful world).

9. The Two Sillies, Hoberman: Limerick-ish and breezy to read. Especially nice for its illustrations, farm life and wit.

10. The Perfect Nest, Friend/Manders: LOVED it. Sometimes I like children’s books that help define a home literally. Very much hits the concept home.

11. Rickie and Henri, Goodall/ Marks: Companionship and friendship doesn’t depend on our sizes, physical features and species. It depends on the openness of our hearts and our ability to see beyond ourselves. If Yann Martel writes a children’s book with illustration, he’d end up with something like this too. If you’re aware of Goodall’s work, it’ll mostly find its way to you.

Currently Reading: The Someday Suitcase and the HitchHiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

#Weekend bounty : always feel so energized when I go to #read more #childrensbooks . . . . . . . . #illustrated #picturebook #bookstagram #readinglist #readinglove #nowreading #art #love #instagood #weekendfun #bookworm

A post shared by Upasna Kakroo (@upasnakakroo) on Feb 18, 2018 at 7:25am PST

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