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Relationship Matters

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  • January 29, 2010 01:14:53 PM
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Relationship Matters provides relationship tips, advice, information and the latest research to help you create a great relationship!

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5 Survival Tips for Online Dating

Believe it or not, online dating was once considered a strange and unusual thing. When I started working as a couples therapist back in the early 21st Century, I always asked my couples how they met. My couples would often be embarrassed to tell me they met online. It was like online dating was a […] The post 5 Survival Tips for Online Dating appeared first on Clinton Power +...

Happn dating app

Believe it or not, online dating was once considered a strange and unusual thing. When I started working as a couples therapist back in the early 21st Century, I always asked my couples how they met. My couples would often be embarrassed to tell me they met online. It was like online dating was a dirty little secret that they didn’t want their friends or family to know.

Fast-forward to today and it’s hard to meet a single person who hasn’t used online dating to meet new people. And there is certainly no embarrassment today about using apps and dating sites to make new connections.

The upside of online dating is it’s a fast and convenient way to connect with lots of new people quickly. The downside is you can experience frustration, despair and rejection, which can lower your self-esteem and self-worth.

So how you navigate the world of online dating and still take care of yourself? Here are some of my top survival tips:

1. Have a profile that is a genuine reflection of who you are

This might seem like a no-brainer, but there are still people who create online dating profiles that are vague, incorrect, or just downright dishonest.

Your dating profiles need to be a genuine reflection of who you are, what you’re looking for and what your values. There’s no point in creating a disingenuous profile to attract someone. Sooner or later, you’ll be found out.

Your dating profile is like a filter. You want to attract the people that connect with you, and you want to filter away those that are not a match. The more honestly you reveal yourself in your profile will help you attract people that are better matches for you in the long run.

2. Connect in the real world sooner rather than later

One of the biggest problems I frequently hear about in my therapy practice is when a person connects online with a potential mate and then goes on to have a ‘virtual relationship’ for weeks, months, or even years.

The problem with this situation is you’re developing a faux relationship with a fantasy person. When you don’t mean someone in real life and continue to have a virtual relationship, it’s too easy to project all the qualities you’re looking for in a partner onto this person, which can lead to major disappointment when you do finally meet in real life.

I recommend you treat online dating as a conduit to get the contact details of potential matches. Then organize to meet in real life sooner rather than later, so you can get the full picture on this potential mate.

3. Be honest and respectful in all communications

We’ve all been on the end of hurtful communication at one time or another. Whether it’s direct rejection, or the other end of the spectrum where someone just unexpectedly disappears (known as “ghosting”), it still hurts.

Unfortunately, the anonymity of the Internet means that many people treat each other badly because they can do so relatively anonymously.

It’s important to remember that at the other end of your dating app or computer is a real human being. Don’t seek to hurt deliberately or cause pain in another person. Be honest and respectful in all your communications and there is a good chance people will be honest and respectful to you. Plus, it’s just good karma.

4. Take your time to get to know someone

Just because online dating allows you to meet someone instantly doesn’t mean you need to rush into an instant relationship.

Many people make the mistake of moving too quickly into a deep relationship. When you rush into a new relationship, it’s too easy to miss warning signs and red flags that may indicate this person is not right for you.

It takes time to get to know someone and build the type of trust and intimacy that will help you form a long-lasting relationship.

5. Take care of your safety at all times

This tip might seem obvious, but it’s important to take care of your safety at all times.

Sadly, there are people out there that create fake dating profiles so they can have fun at your expense, play mind games, and sometimes these people have more sinister intentions.

Don’t automatically believe anything you read or see on a dating site. Don’t reveal anything that’s too personal until you’ve met your date in real life and you can begin to formulate an accurate assessment of the person.

Whenever you meet a date for the first time, always meets in a public venue and let a friend know about your date, who you’re seeing and where you’ll be.

But taking a few precautions you can feel safe and still have lots of fun with online dating.

Do you need relationship help?

If you need help with  your relationship, contact Clinton Power + Associates on (02) 8968 9323 to discuss your situation and find out how we can help.

Clinton Power is a relationship counsellor and Gestalt therapist with over a decade of experience helping individuals and couples move out of relationship pain and create great relationships. Get Clinton’s FREE report: 10 Tips for Moving Out of Relationship Pain, by clicking the button below.

FREE Instant Download

The post 5 Survival Tips for Online Dating appeared first on Clinton Power + Associates.


STUDY: Ageing Married Couples Replace Bickering with Humour

Honeymoon long over? Hang in there. A new University of California, Berkeley, study shows those prickly disagreements that can mark the early and middle years of marriage mellow with age as conflicts give way to humour and acceptance. Researchers analysed videotaped conversations between 87 middle-aged and older husbands and wives who had been married for […] The post STUDY: Ageing Married Couples Replace Bickering with Humour appeared first on Clinton Power +...

ageing couples

Honeymoon long over? Hang in there. A new University of California, Berkeley, study shows those prickly disagreements that can mark the early and middle years of marriage mellow with age as conflicts give way to humour and acceptance.

Researchers analysed videotaped conversations between 87 middle-aged and older husbands and wives who had been married for 15 to 35 years, and tracked their emotional interactions over the course of 13 years. They found that as couples aged, they showed more humour and tenderness towards another.

Overall, the findings, just published in the journal Emotion, showed an increase in such positive behaviours as humour and affection and a decrease in negative behaviours such as defensiveness and criticism. The results challenge long-held theories that emotions flatten or deteriorate in old age and point instead to an emotionally positive trajectory for long-term married couples.

Marriage is good for your mental health

“Our findings shed light on one of the great paradoxes of late life,” said study senior author Robert Levenson, a UC Berkeley psychology professor. “Despite experiencing the loss of friends and family, older people in stable marriages are relatively happy and experience low rates of depression and anxiety. Marriage has been good for their mental health.”

Consistent with previous findings from Levenson’s Berkeley Psychophysiology Laboratory, the longitudinal study found that wives were more emotionally expressive than their husbands, and as they grew older they tended toward more domineering behaviour and less affection. But generally, across all the study’s age and gender cohorts, negative behaviors decreased with age.

“Given the links between positive emotion and health, these findings underscore the importance of intimate relationships as people age, and the potential health benefits associated with marriage,” said co-lead author Alice Verstaen, who conducted the study as a Ph.D. student at UC Berkeley and is currently a postdoctoral fellow at the VA Puget Sound Health Care System.

The results are the latest to emerge from a 25-year UC Berkeley study headed by Levenson of more than 150 long-term marriages. The participants, now mostly in their 70s, 80s and 90s, are heterosexual couples from the San Francisco Bay Area whose relationships Levenson and fellow researchers began tracking in 1989.

In their investigation of marital relationships, researchers viewed 15-minute interactions between spouses in a laboratory setting as they discussed shared experiences and areas of conflict. They tracked the emotional changes every few years.

The spouses’ listening and speaking behaviours were coded and rated according to their facial expressions, body language, verbal content and tone of voice. Emotions were coded into the categories of anger, contempt, disgust, domineering behaviour, defensiveness, fear, tension, sadness, whining, interest, affection, humour, enthusiasm and validation.

There’s much to look forward to in old age

Researchers found that both middle-aged and older couples, regardless of their satisfaction with their relationship, experienced increases in overall positive emotional behaviours with age, while experiencing a decrease in overall negative emotional behaviours.

“These results provide behavioural evidence that is consistent with research suggesting that, as we age, we become more focused on the positives in our lives,” Verstaen said.

Do you need relationship help?

If you need help with  your relationship, contact Clinton Power + Associates on (02) 8968 9323 to discuss your situation and find out how we can help.

Clinton Power is a relationship counsellor and Gestalt therapist with over a decade of experience helping individuals and couples move out of relationship pain and create great relationships. Get Clinton’s FREE report: 10 Tips for Moving Out of Relationship Pain, by clicking the button below.

FREE Instant Download

The post STUDY: Ageing Married Couples Replace Bickering with Humour appeared first on Clinton Power + Associates.


6 Tips for Finding Love This Holiday Season

  If you find yourself single this holiday season, reluctant to do anything except stay home and indulge various vices, take heart: it’s a time of year like any other. It’s just been so co-opted by capitalism that we’re bombarded with holiday images and expectations from early November through the New Year. With media messages […] The post 6 Tips for Finding Love This Holiday Season appeared first on Clinton Power +...

 finding love holidays

If you find yourself single this holiday season, reluctant to do anything except stay home and indulge various vices, take heart: it’s a time of year like any other. It’s just been so co-opted by capitalism that we’re bombarded with holiday images and expectations from early November through the New Year.

With media messages that the holidays are for couples and families, it’s easy to feel lonely and left out if you’re single. But instead of falling down that dark tunnel, try something unexpected—look for love during the holidays, on your own terms. These tips will get you started.

1.Stop the train of negativity

The holiday season is a good time for addressing any negative beliefs you hold about yourself and relationships. You have up to 68,000 thoughts a day, and most of these are repetitious. If you’re constantly thinking, “I’m terrible and I don’t deserve love,” this will become your reality. When you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, notice them, and then move out of your head. Placing one hand on your heart and the other on your abdomen and breathing deeply while sending love and kindness towards yourself will stop repetitive thinking. Do this enough and the negative thoughts will stop coming, or, if they do, they’ll carry little weight and won’t drag you down.

2. Reach out to old friends

Reconnecting with old friends around the holidays is one of the best parts of the season, and it’s healthy—these people have been part of your life for a reason. If you’ve lost touch with someone you care about, reach out to them at this time of year. And while you’re at it, ask your old friends to introduce you to their new crew. You might meet a new love through an old friend. Unlike an online dating service, your old friends can actually tell if it’s a promising fit.

3. Accept invitations and look your best

Along the same lines as the previous thought, accepting invitations—especially when you’re not in the mood for a party—will change the energy in your life. To find love when it seems like everyone else is shopping or watching television, you have to stretch your comfort zone. Making the effort to get dressed up and go to a holiday dinner will lift your spirits, once you’re there. Looking your best, for no other reason except you want to, is a kind of gift for your body, which works hard for you every day.

4. Heal the old wounds

This point seems driven into us everywhere we go, but it’s still true: you can’t go forward with strength and clarity if you don’t start from a place of calm. If you’re still feeling old wounds from previous relationships, or even previous holiday seasons that went horribly wrong, it’s hard to start a new relationship with a clear mind and an open heart.

Maybe what you need this holiday is just to care for your heart, through small acts of self-love. If you’re still angry with an ex, try to think about them more often, but in a neutral way (instead of once a day, venomously). Say to yourself, “Well, he/she did me wrong, but they’re not a bad person.” The more you can neutralise your thinking around your ex (or a co-worker you dislike, for that matter), the less your feelings about them can catch you off guard.

5. Practice little rituals

The holiday season is built around rituals. Before there was Christmas in the West, there was Saturnalia, a two week long party with bonfires and animal masks. Nowadays our rituals, especially around the holidays, are somewhat confusing. But the good news is you can make up your own. Keeping a photo at your bedside of a place or person you love is a fine way to be gently reminded of what’s important.

The practice of Feng Shui recommends matched images in the bedroom for single people looking to find love. Little rituals repeated daily will help to let go of past hurts. Some people find it helpful to keep a house shrine, others take the same walk every morning, and some of us just have a chair we like to sit in and drink tea. Rituals are steadying, and over a period of time they have the power to ground your loose wires.

6. Take risks

Possibly the hardest thing to do when you’re feeling low, taking an emotional (or even a physical) risk can get you out of your head and into your sensory perceptions, which is where life gets more interesting. Meeting new people through friends or a community group may make you forget that it’s the holidays and all that you associate with this time of year. If you’ve been meaning to start a new exercise regime, don’t wait until the New Year, start it now. The release of dopamine from running a few miles or Iyengar yoga practice is a pleasant alternative to consuming too many sugar-heavy holiday treats, and you may sleep better too.

Another risk you can take is change up your evening routine. If you find you’re drinking more alcohol than usual, just because that’s what people do at the holidays, make a point to take a night or two off every week. If you’re staying up too late cruising online dating services, the artificial blue screen light (which interferes with melatonin production) could be why you’re not sleeping well.

It takes some courage to confront our habits, but it could be a way change your relationship to the holiday season as well as find a new love in your life.

Do you need relationship help?

If you need help with  your relationship, contact Clinton Power + Associates on (02) 8968 9323 to discuss your situation and find out how we can help.

Clinton Power is a relationship counsellor and Gestalt therapist with over a decade of experience helping individuals and couples move out of relationship pain and create great relationships. Get Clinton’s FREE report: 10 Tips for Moving Out of Relationship Pain, by clicking the button below.

FREE Instant Download

The post 6 Tips for Finding Love This Holiday Season appeared first on Clinton Power + Associates.


The Surprising Science of Hugs

Hugging, while it’s usually regarded as a simple and everyday act, has been found by scientists to radically alter one’s outlook for the better and affect the way our brains work in the long term. According to a study from PLOS One, after social and/or relationship conflict, giving and receiving hugs with the other person […] The post The Surprising Science of Hugs appeared first on Clinton Power +...

science of hugs

Hugging, while it’s usually regarded as a simple and everyday act, has been found by scientists to radically alter one’s outlook for the better and affect the way our brains work in the long term.

According to a study from PLOS One, after social and/or relationship conflict, giving and receiving hugs with the other person will increase good feelings and decrease bad ones. This was true for all demographics surveyed.

Touch calms your nervous system

Physical touch has been found, in numerous studies, to cause positive physiological changes like reducing stress-related heart and brain activity and releasing the feel-good hormone oxytocin.

Hugging doesn’t just help you reunite after conflict: it can also affect your nervous system in a formative way. A 2012 study found that people who grew up with frequent hugging were more likely to be huggers as adults.

Unfortunately, not being hugged often as children can lead to unwelcome effects. One of those effects is an underdeveloped vagus nerve, which is connected to the spinal cord, and this can lead to a stunted ability to be compassionate or intimate. The oxytocin-producing system can also suffer, impairing the ability to pick up on the social cues of others. Obviously, the more hugs kids get, the better!

But if you decide to put this great strategy to use in your relationships, remember that not everyone likes to be hugged so you should always ask for consent first. Often these preferences come from someone’s upbringing and/or culture, so don’t be offended if they turn you down.

Science says you should embrace hugging on a regular basis

So how can we put the results of these studies to good use? Start incorporating hugging into your day-to-day life and see your relationships blossom.

Psychologist Stan Tatkin has created what he calls the “Welcome Home” exercise for couples who need an extra dose of cuddles. Basically, it’s a hugging ritual when you reunite after time apart that’s meant to improve your relationship over time.

Here are the instructions he gives:

  1. Let your partner know you’re home. Usually, partners don’t arrive home at the exact same time, right? Whoever is arriving at the house begins the exercise by announcing verbally to the other partner, who is already home, that they are now there.
  2. Seek each other out. The already-home partner drops whatever they’re doing as quickly as possible (no matter what that activity is) and goes to greet the arriving partner at the door.
  3. Embrace. Instead of kissing, the partners hug each other. This leads to positive feelings of closeness because, to our instincts, it feels like the way our parents held us as babies. That kind of intimacy is unique to our formative years, but as adults we can make attempts to mimic it with our loved ones for a heightened sense of warmth.
  4. Hold until you relax. Neither partner lets go until the other partner has relaxed completely into their arms. Distractions, including kids, should not be permitted to interrupt this bonding practice.

Doing this exercise long-term will improve your relationship with your partner as well as decrease your stress levels.

Hugs are obviously not the only way to help your partner feel better, but you may want to incorporate more of them when you comfort others.

Common sense tells us that social support can be a powerful force in times of stress. However, other studies tell us that unhelpful types of support, like unsolicited advice, can actually make a stressful situation worse by creating feelings of being judged. Therefore, unless your partner specifically requests otherwise, science says it’s best to stick to physical touch and doing favours when trying to help your partner after a bad day.

In all your romantic, friendly, and familial relationships, hugs can drastically improve both your rapport and your own moods. While you should only hug those who want to be hugged, instating it as a common practice with those you love can have great and lifelong effects, especially if it’s a habit begun early on in a child’s development. Regular hugs can change your life!

Do you need relationship help?

If you need help with  your relationship, contact Clinton Power + Associates on (02) 8968 9323 to discuss your situation and find out how we can help.

Clinton Power is a relationship counsellor and Gestalt therapist with over a decade of experience helping individuals and couples move out of relationship pain and create great relationships. Get Clinton’s FREE report: 10 Tips for Moving Out of Relationship Pain, by clicking the button below.

FREE Instant Download

The post The Surprising Science of Hugs appeared first on Clinton Power + Associates.


Is an Open Relationship Right for You? Listen to Clinton Power on ABC Radio

I recently spoke with Melanie Tait on the ABC Radio Nightlife program about open relationships. This was a fascinating discussion with some interesting callers on the talkback sharing their experiences. In this interview I answer the following questions: How common is it for couples to have an open relationship? How have relationships evolved and where […] The post Is an Open Relationship Right for You? Listen to Clinton Power on ABC Radio appeared first on Clinton Power +...

open relationships

I recently spoke with Melanie Tait on the ABC Radio Nightlife program about open relationships. This was a fascinating discussion with some interesting callers on the talkback sharing their experiences.

In this interview I answer the following questions:

    • How common is it for couples to have an open relationship?
    • How have relationships evolved and where have we come from?
    • Can we be monogamous with one person for our entire lives?
    • What’s the difference between an open relationship and polyamory?
    • What can we learn from how gay male couples negotiate open relationships?
    • Can you be in an open relationship and still experience betrayal?
    • What are some of the reasons a couple might want to open their relationship?
    • What’s the first step a couple needs to consider before opening their relationship?
    • How do you deal with jealousy in an open relationship?
    • How do you negotiate the boundaries in an open relationship?
    • What are some of the most common relationship rules?
    • Where do couples fall into problems with an open relationship?
    • Why are open relationships viewed outside of mainstream culture?
    • Can an open relationship enhance a couple’s relationship?

Listen to the recording of this interview below.

Do you need help with your sexual relationship?

If you need help with your sexual relationship, contact Clinton Power + Associates for a FREE 15-minute phone inquiry call to discuss your situation and find out how we can help. Call us now on 0412 241 410 or book your free phone consult online.

Clinton Power is a relationship counsellor and Gestalt therapist with over a decade of experience helping individuals and couples move out of relationship pain and create great relationships. Get Clinton’s FREE report: 10 Tips for Moving Out of Relationship Pain, by clicking the button below.

FREE Instant Download

The post Is an Open Relationship Right for You? Listen to Clinton Power on ABC Radio appeared first on Clinton Power + Associates.


How to Fight Fair: The Pros and Cons of Conflict

All couples experience conflict, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. The goal of a successful relationship is not to eliminate conflict, but to repair effectively after conflicts occur. This takes relationship skills—which can be learned! Let’s discuss some of what argumentative couples have in common. Why is relationship conflict so common? Conflict […] The post How to Fight Fair: The Pros and Cons of Conflict appeared first on Clinton Power +...

pros and cons conflict

All couples experience conflict, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

The goal of a successful relationship is not to eliminate conflict, but to repair effectively after conflicts occur. This takes relationship skills—which can be learned!

Let’s discuss some of what argumentative couples have in common.

Why is relationship conflict so common?

Conflict happens when two people have different ideas, and that’s often. But there are some factors that might make relationship conflict worse than it has to be.

  • Relationship structures based on conflict. Sometimes you and your partner are so used to conflict in your relationship that it’s become a habit that is built right into your relationship.
  • Inadequate relationship skills. You or your partner might need to work on relationship skills like communication or empathy.
  • Feelings of powerlessness when it comes to conflict. You may believe that conflict is inevitable and there’s nothing you can do to halt it. You might think that you have a bad temper and can’t control your reactions, for example. The good news is this is not the case.
  • You’re arguing over differences in values and goals. You might think you’re arguing about something small, when the real conflict is over something larger, like how you want the relationship to look.

What you’re really arguing about

Sometimes, you may not be honest with yourself or others about why a conflict is occurring. Here are some reasons that you may be arguing that aren’t readily apparent on the surface:

  • You’re embarrassed or ashamed about something you did, so you’re arguing to try to cover it up.
  • You agreed to something even though you didn’t want to.
  • You’re partner is implying you’re “crazy” (also known as “gaslighting.”)
  • You’re afraid of what might happen if you admit your partner is right. This may include ridicule or gloating.
  • You don’t believe power can be shared.
  • You don’t agree about values or goals.
  • You’re scared of your partner’s desire for you.
  • You haven’t forgiven your partner for something unrelated, either recent or ancient.
  • Closeness and intimacy feels dangerous to you, so you’re avoiding it.
  • You’re afraid your partner doesn’t love or desire you anymore.

The cons of conflict

Most people would agree that conflict is not good for you, but the truth is conflict only becomes a problem when it’s not resolved in a timely fashion.

Here are some of the cons of conflict:

  • Blaming, criticising, and defensiveness are all destructive behaviours. The problem is these behaviours erode the sense of safety and security in your relationship. Blaming phrases like, “you always”, “you never”, or “you only” make your partner feel bad and make it harder to make up.
  • Conflict not worked through can lead to harbouring feelings of anger, bitterness, and resentment towards your partner. Unresolved conflict is an effective contraception. No one wants to have sex with their partner if they feel any of those emotions.
  • Long term conflict can lead you and your partner to drift apart and start to live separate lives. When you don’t resolve your fights you gradually withdraw from the relationship and put your energy and attention elsewhere. This can lead to infidelity and/or divorce.
  • Conflict is bad for your health. Unresolved conflict can cause psychological issues such as anxiety, depression and eventually lead to physical sickness and early death.

The pros of conflict

Believe it or not, there are advantages to relationship conflict. It may not feel great in the moment, but you can come out on top with the right strategies.

Here are some of the pros of conflict:

  • Conflict is an opportunity for healing and growth. Conflict happens when something needs to be worked through. When you learn to manage your differences, you create a more harmonious and happy relationship.
  • Conflict helps you learn more about your partner. When you work through conflict, you get to understand your partner’s values, life goals, wants, and needs.
  • Conflict brings you closer together and makes you a stronger couple. When you work through and resolve conflict is makes you more resilient. You can be in conflict and still be loving—you can say, for example, “I’m frustrated and angry with you, but I still love you and I’m never going to leave you.”
  • Making up makes you feel good. Sincerely apologising helps you feel more connected and can even lead to great make-up sex.

Watch the video below of my interview on the Channel 7 show, House of Wellness about the art of a healthy argument.

How to show more empathy

When arguments happen, it’s important to show empathy to your partner and make sure they know you understand where they are coming from. Empathy is rocket fuel for successful intimate relationships.

Here are some templates for sentences showing empathy and validating your partner:

  •  “If you thought A, of course you’re B.”
  • “I’m sorry you feel C.”
  • “I didn’t realise that was so important to you.”
  • “Of course I want you to feel like your opinion matters.”

How to make agreements that support your relationship

When you’re making agreements and working on solutions, here are some guidelines for resolving conflict in ways that will prevent further conflict in the future:

  • Make clear and measurable agreements. Make sure everyone knows exactly what is expected of them.
  • Don’t agree merely to “try.” Do or do not—there is no “try!” “Trying” is not measurable.
  • Take responsibility if you break an agreement. If you don’t follow through on what you promised, take 100% ownership of this.
  • Follow both the letter and the spirit of the agreement. Make sure you “walk the talk.”
  • Don’t make an agreement if you don’t think you can keep it or if you don’t want to make it. Compliance may keep your partner happy in the short term, but it leads to resentment in the long run.
  • Renegotiate that agreement when necessary. It’s OK to return to the original agreement and revise the terms so they work for both of you.
  • Remember that the couple is responsible for the agreements, not the individual. You’re a team and you’re in it together, so you need to collaborate on all mutual decisions.

Tips for fighting fair

Sometimes you may have a subconscious goal of proving that your partner can’t control you, so you argue to prove your autonomy. This may make it almost impossible for you to cooperate or collaborate on a solution.

When you fight, instead focus on accomplishing goals like:

  • Defining terms so each person understands the other. Make sure you’re on the same page about definitions and meanings.
  • Clarifying an assumption and making sure everyone has similar expectations. As the old saying goes, “assumptions are the termites of relationships.” Don’t let an assumption eat away your relationship.
  • Sharing a personal experience for understanding and validation. Sharing from your own experience helps clarify what you’re talking about.
  • Challenging a misperception. Don’t let each other get away with misperceptions because small errors in understanding lead to big fights later on.

Here are some tips for fighting fair:

  • Don’t use provocative language like swearing or hurtful words.
  • Don’t blame your partner.
  • Don’t yell or use physical force, including breaking things or punching the wall.
  • Don’t talk about separating or threaten to leave.
  • Don’t bring up the past. Focus on the current problem.
  • Don’t describe or label your partner.
  • Don’t pretend that you can read minds.
  • Don’t engage in conflict when you’re tired, you’ve been drinking, in public, or in front of the kids.
  • Stick to the topic at hand and work on one issue at a time.
  • Reframe and restate your partner’s statements so that everyone is clear on what is being communicated.
  • Ask for specific things that will help you feel better.
  • Respond to requests with good will.
  • Take turns speaking.
  • End the conflict when necessary and return to the issue later.
  • Maintain respectful confidentiality.
  • Take responsibility for how you express yourself.

If you’re struggling with relationship conflict, don’t hesitate to make an appointment with a therapist. A professional can help you identify and solve problems in your relationship, leading to more harmony and happiness.

Do you need help with resolving conflict in your relationship?

If you need help with  your relationship, contact Clinton Power + Associates on (02) 8968 9323 to discuss your situation and find out how we can help.

Clinton Power is a relationship counsellor and Gestalt therapist with over a decade of experience helping individuals and couples move out of relationship pain and create great relationships. Get Clinton’s FREE report: 10 Tips for Moving Out of Relationship Pain, by clicking the button below.

FREE Instant Download

The post How to Fight Fair: The Pros and Cons of Conflict appeared first on Clinton Power + Associates.


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