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Depression is not my boss

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Depression is not my boss

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Parental Guidance

  • Joel
  • December 15, 2019 06:26:56 PM
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A Little About Us

Dealing With Depression I have lied to myself about depression for all my adult life. Masking it, concealing it, never saying its name. Telling my complete story, through this depression blog and online platform could help someone else get relief from the destructive actions of depression so underhandedly inflicts. Get Depression Help and Guidance I welcome you to join me as I share my day-to-day effort of living and learning about depression whether you’re looking for information on how to help someone with depression or getting guidance for yourself. My mantra – Depression is Not my Boss.

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    Two Tools That Help Me and Others Navigate Depression

    “I have depression, depression does not have me.” This has been my mantra for over 15 months. Hospitalized at the end of April last year, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. My hospitalization began my journey to learn all I can about depression. Along the way, I have collected tools that I use daily.... The post Two Tools That Help Me and Others Navigate Depression appeared first on My Concealed...

    “I have depression, depression does not have me.”

    This has been my mantra for over 15 months. Hospitalized at the end of April last year, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. My hospitalization began my journey to learn all I can about depression. Along the way, I have collected tools that I use daily. Some tools for facing my depression are now so ingrained, that I use them without thinking.

    Coping statements for anxiety and depression have been a huge help.

    Confronting unhelpful thinking has been one of my biggest challenges. There are 10 statements I have found highly effective in exposing unhelpful thinking. 15 months ago, I hardly knew there was such a thing as unhelpful thinking.

    That said, I have always been careful not to “make fun of or disparage myself.”

    You won’t hear me muttering “boy I am stupid for doing that,” or “I will never be able to do that.” Can’t is NOT in my vocabulary. And I know the danger of negative self-talk. And the power of positive affirmations. I do not think telling me I cannot do something is a trigger for me to show everyone I can do it. But it very well could be.

    Until 15 months ago, it never occurred to me that depression was using unhelpful thinking to win me over to the dark side.

    READ: Its all piling up, I’ve got to get a grip

    And I would never have suspected that learning coping statements for depression could help give me my life back. For over 43 years, I concealed my depression from myself. And I was adamant that no one else would ever see that I was less than perfect. I felt I had to be strong, so others could count on me. I thought of myself as Evergreen.

    This feeling of always being “on” was exhausting.

    There was no time for self-care and no recognition that maybe occasionally I should stop and smell the roses. Heck, even today it is hard for me to sit through a half-hour TV show without thinking about what I need to do next. Often, I will forgo the show and get up and do whatever it was I was thinking I needed to do. “No rest for the weary.”

    From the hospital handout, here are 10 Unhelpful Thinking Styles:

    All or Nothing Thinking – Sometimes called “black and white thinking.”

    Mental Filter – Only paying attention to certain types of evidence.

    Jumping to Conclusions – There are two types; Mind-Reading (imagining we know what others are thinking) and Fortune-Telling (predicting the future).

    Emotional Reasoning – Assuming that because we feel a certain way, what we think must be true.

    Labeling – Assigning labels to ourselves or other people.

    Over-generalizing – Seeing a pattern based upon a single event or being overly broad in the conclusions we draw.

    Disqualifying the Positive – Discounting the good things that have happened or that you have done for some reason or another.

    Magnification (catastrophizing) & Minimizing – Blowing things out of proportion.

    Critical Words (should and must) – Using critical words like “should,” “must,” or “ought” can make us feel guilty or like we have already failed.

    Personalization – Blaming yourself or taking responsibility for something that wasn’t completely your fault. Conversely, blaming other people for something that was your fault.

    Reviewing the list, I can think of many examples for each unhelpful thinking style.

    With years of experience using these, I could teach the class in their effectiveness in keeping me from seeing the truth about situations. In the end, these styles have been a key tool in depression’s ability to keep me from seeing there are other ways to live. Other ways, that are not secretive, and do not involve unhelpful thinking.

    I challenge each with coping statements.

    22 Coping Statements for Dealing with Anxiety

    1. I don’t have to make myself anxious about anything or put myself down if I stupidly and foolishly do make myself anxious.
    2. My anxiety is bad, but I’m not bad.
    3. I don’t always have to feel comfortable, and it isn’t awful when I don’t.
    4. I can bear-and bear with-anxiety: it won’t kill me.
    5. It is not necessary to be in perfect control of my anxious moments. To demand that I be in control only multiplies my symptoms.
    6. Others are not required to treat me with kid gloves when I feel uncomfortable.
    7. The world doesn’t have to make it easy for me to get a handle on my anxiety.
    8. Anxiety is a part of life; it is not bigger than life.
    9. My over-reactive nervous system is a part of my life, but it’s not bigger than life.
    10. I can take my anxiety with me when going places and doing things that I am reluctant to do (or stay isolated).
    11. Controlling my anxiety is important, but hardly urgent.
    12. Comfort is nice, but not necessary.
    13. I don’t have to be the one person in the universe to feel comfortable all the time.
    14. I’d better not feel calm, relaxed, and serene all the time because if I did, I’d have one dickens of a time motivating myself.
    15. Anxiety and panic are burrs in my saddle: highly inconvenient and uncomfortable, but hardly awful.
    16. I don’t have to hassle myself or put myself down for not coping better with my anxiety.
    17. This, too, will likely pass.
    18. I can blend in with the flow of my anxiety; I don’t have to go tooth-and-nail, head-on with it.
    19. If I feel anxious, I feel anxious… tough!
    20. I may have my anxiety, but I am not my anxiety.
    21. I don’t have to shame or demean myself for anything-including creating tight knots in my gut.
    22. Feelings of awkwardness, nervousness, or queasiness may interfere with my projects, but they do not have to ruin them.

    READ: 22 Coping Statements That Will Make You Less Anxious

    15 months later, I am understanding more about depression and what I can do to live a balanced life.

    I see a future, rather than a wall that I cannot get past. This feeling of hope I have had before. The past 43 years have not been one interminable stretch of dullness and lack of interest. I have ebbed and flowed just like everyone does. Yes, my highs have sometimes been higher, and my lows have been “circle the drain” at times. But asking for help for my depression from a professional has made all of the difference.

    Depression is always looking for new ways to draw me over to its side of the room.

    Yet here I am. It can be done. I am living with depression but am living more on my terms. The many tools I have learned. Including coping statements, have been a welcome addition to my skill set when it comes to depression.

    Understanding Unhelpful Thinking has been a colossal step forward.

    Seeing how depression was casually lobbing unhelpful thinking into my head, I am better equipped to recognize it early and address it. Facing depression in all it’s forms has been the hallmark of my recovery. Finally letting myself see what is going on, I am better equipped to work on it and learn better ways to handle all of my depression antics.

    My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

    Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn.

     If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. 

    I very much appreciate your comments. I learn from them and respond to everyone.

    The post Two Tools That Help Me and Others Navigate Depression appeared first on My Concealed Depression.


    Many Things Are Going Well, So Why Do I Feel Lackluster and Dull?

    Why do I feel lifeless when so many things are good? What is causing this enormous hole in my day to day feelings? The list for today was made yesterday. Many things on the list were crossed off as completed before lunchtime. So what? I just want to feel better. Feeling better is all I... The post Many Things Are Going Well, So Why Do I Feel Lackluster and Dull? appeared first on My Concealed...

    Why do I feel lifeless when so many things are good?

    What is causing this enormous hole in my day to day feelings?

    The list for today was made yesterday. Many things on the list were crossed off as completed before lunchtime. So what?

    I just want to feel better.

    Feeling better is all I want.

    Not great, spectacular, or even above average.

    Simply better than I do.

    Faking it is so tiring.

    Being strong when I’m not is immensely tiring.

    And I have got to fake it for several more days.

    There is a lot coming up.

    Maybe that’s all it is.

    Or maybe I don’t know why some people who are up against the wall, don’t move.

    I was up against the wall, with no visible way out.

    READ: If I Live Through This…

    But now I am here, 15 months later, with options.

    But a part of me is still up against the wall, and I don’t know how to unstick that part of me.

    So, I know what it is like to not see anything, any way out, any option at all.

    And those days when the rock is a freaky’ boulder the size of a semi, and the hill is a vertical cliff-like Yosemite’s half-dome. How the heck do you push a boulder up that?

    My mind seems to be working in sound bites.

    I’m afraid to admit that someone I met; someone I was in peer support meetings with has committed suicide. He had been going to OOO for nine years. COVID 19 took that away in March when we could no longer gather.

    Without face-to-face with his mentors, peers, and the support they provided, he checked out.

    That makes me angry.

    Not at him, but at how life throws things at us.

    It is not fair, but it is a fact of life none the less.

    All of us make choices every day. We continue or we don’t.

    Self-care is a way we can recharge our batteries.

    Yet I for one do not always make time for myself, for some sort of self-care.

    15 months ago, there was a chance that the suicide could have been me.

    I talk a great game and have convinced myself that I am too frightened by the possibility.

    That is probably true, but those thoughts can come along at the most inopportune times.

    The young man  committed suicide very recently, after his own version of hitting the wall.

    I know that the day to day of being up against the wall can make seeing any way forward exceptionally difficult.

    There are days I am better, but I know part of me is still up against the wall, feeling there is no way forward.  Even with all the tools, talking and medication, a part of me is still there.

    Do I try to get past it or live with it?

    With mindfulness, I can see those thoughts appear. Instead if entertaining them, I envision them floating past me on a stream, tumbling over the tops of the rocks, and disappearing around the bend.

    In 5th grade, a friend’s father started his car it in a closed garage and committed suicide.

    I knew my friend from school, but I had never met his father.

    I met the young man at OOO.

    Knowing he is gone is frightening. I cannot imagine what he went through. Or what his parents and family are going through.

    Knowing what my suicide would mean for my family, I am resolved more than ever to abstain.

    Yes, I say I am competitive and want to live to see 100. And coming to peace with death has not happened for me. I am extremely far from that.

    Using the pandemic as an excuse, I have stopped my therapist appointments.

    Doing phone meetings, I was saying to myself that my therapist was probably working a cross word puzzle, instead of hearing what I was saying.

    Getting these going again would be a helpful way to self-care.

    At age 18, I had a gun pointed at my face when I was robbed while working at a gas station. If I close my eyes and think for a moment, I can still see the slugs in the loaded revolver.

    My mind today is as disjointed as this blog post.

    I feel so sad for the young man. 15 months ago, it could have been me.

    People thought I was dead. They were checking the obituaries. How crazy is that? To be so far gone that’s what people are thinking?

    Being afraid to let anyone see behind the curtain has fueled depressions grip on me.

    I am a wonderful reporter; I can tell you exactly what happened. Just don’t ask me how I feel about it.

    That’s when I clam up.

    Feelings are messy, facts are crisp.

    Doing drive-bys are the way I am most comfortable talking. Doorknob conversations, a quick how do you do, and I am off. I never have to feel anything that way. I can stay in the light of the day. Those shadows hold uncomfortable emotions.

    I am so sad he is gone. So sad that the rock was just too big to push anymore.

    READ: Every day I push the same rock up the same hill

    My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

    Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn.

     If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. 

    I very much appreciate your comments. I learn from them and respond to everyone.

    The post Many Things Are Going Well, So Why Do I Feel Lackluster and Dull? appeared first on My Concealed Depression.


    All Dressed Up for Hurricane Isaias and No Place to Go

    I prepared for the worst and it never came. In fact, it seems as if I slept through the worst of it. And the worst of it was a little rain, something we desperately need. Based on yesterday’s forecast, Hurricane Isaias, now a tropical storm, was scheduled to spend much of today with us. There... The post All Dressed Up for Hurricane Isaias and No Place to Go appeared first on My Concealed...

    I prepared for the worst and it never came.

    In fact, it seems as if I slept through the worst of it. And the worst of it was a little rain, something we desperately need. Based on yesterday’s forecast, Hurricane Isaias, now a tropical storm, was scheduled to spend much of today with us. There were to be 1 to 2 inches of rain and the threat of major power outages as the wind whipped through the area.

    I’ve been up for over an hour and blue sky is beginning to peek through the clouds.

    When I first got up, I looked at my weather station and we had gotten .43 inches of rain overnight. I was thinking I should not put the bird feeders out, due to the expected winds. But knowing I will be home this morning, I figured I would bring them in once the wind picked up.

    Once the coffee was ready, I moved to the front porch to watch the birds feed and the storm roll in.

    It turns out I am watching what is left of the storm roll away from the area. There is a little breeze on the ground. Up above, the clouds are moving briskly. And the temperature is markedly cooler. What a change from the past month. We have been setting records for the number of 90+ degree days. This respite is very enjoyable.

    Getting up to fill my coffee cup, I see the sky is now more blue than gray and the clouds are thinning.

    I think it was Mark Twain who said, “I have lived through many terrible events, some of which have actually happened.” Depression makes it easy to catastrophize events. I can put an all or nothing spin on just about anything. And I did that with the Hurricane.

    Yesterday I was worried that I only had 5 gallons of gas for the generator.

    If we lost power, this would only be about 8 hours of running the refrigerator, the internet, and the TV. These three things would keep the entire family happy. Being at work until late last night, I was concerned about chairs on the back deck and all the hanging baskets on the front porch.

    Commuting home I was filled with stress and anxiety about my preparations for the storm.

    This is crazy because I love any type of weather. Rain, snow, hail, clouds, wind. All of these are part of our weather patterns and part of life. Why should I be stressing about getting ready? It’s not like I have never done this before. And the things I am worried most about will only take a few minutes to take care of.

    READ: I’m overcast today with a 50% chance of showers

    Now the sun is peaking out and will take over the sky in a bit.

    The generator goes back in its shed and life goes on. My worry about the storm now seems unfounded. I see there is a fine line between preparation and obsession and worry. I need to learn to apply the tools I am learning to my thinking about physical events. I let my mind spin unchecked and the worst-case scenarios emerged.

    The clouds are now nothing more than a few puffy white pieces of cotton against a stellar blue sky.

    The rain washed the air, and everything seems crisper now. My day will not be filled with rain and wild winds after all. Unexpectedly, it will be filled with sunshine.

    I will regroup and use this day wisely, for it is a gift.

    My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

    Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn.

     If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. 

    I very much appreciate your comments.

    The post All Dressed Up for Hurricane Isaias and No Place to Go appeared first on My Concealed Depression.


    Why Do I Have These Thoughts?

    Thankfully, I am not talking about suicide. During my last Psychiatrist visit, my Doctor asked me when the last time was, I had thoughts of suicide. I had to think, before answering. My doctor pointed out that this was an incredibly positive sign. Her patients who know exactly when they had their last suicidal thought... The post Why Do I Have These Thoughts? appeared first on My Concealed...

    Thankfully, I am not talking about suicide.

    During my last Psychiatrist visit, my Doctor asked me when the last time was, I had thoughts of suicide. I had to think, before answering. My doctor pointed out that this was an incredibly positive sign. Her patients who know exactly when they had their last suicidal thought are more at risk.

    But not having those kinds of thoughts doesn’t mean I am cured.

    In fact, cure is not in my daily vocabulary. “Balanced life” is. Every day when I get up, that rock is waiting to be pushed up the hill. As I have pointed out, somedays the rock is more of a pebble and the hill is just a slight incline. But there are days where the rock is a huge boulder, and the hill stretches upward with the ferocity of Everest in a blinding snowstorm.

    READ: Every Day I Push the Same Rock Up the Same Hill

    The thoughts I have been having recently are blasts from the past.

    Thorny, often sad, memories from my past. You know, all the things I could have done better, smarter, easier, friendlier. These thoughts often sneak in while I am commuting home from work. While certainly not an everyday occurrence, lately, I am noticing them more.

    Some days, the radio cannot drown these thoughts out.

    This points out that I have more work to do. In fact, I will always have work to do to live a balanced life with depression. This thought is not depressing, as I do not think about always having to think about depression. It is becoming a part of my daily routine, just as some people must check their blood sugar, or schedule ongoing dialysis treatments.

    Yesterday, I am happy to say, I once again was able to get out of bed without negotiating with myself.

    And I accomplished what I had on my list before getting ready to head to my day job. The day went well, and the rain held off until I was home. But in the middle of my commute, past experiences appeared in my head. Some of these could make a grown man cry. As I entertained these thoughts, a wave of sadness overtook me.

    Worse, “why bother” entered the picture.

    These thoughts persisted for a few minutes as I allowed myself to circle the drain. This led to me asking myself, “why am I allowing myself to dwell on these thoughts?” I cannot control whether I have these thoughts, but I can control my attitude towards them. Yet, being able too, and doing it, are often not the same thing.

    READ: Three things I learned while circling the drain

    So, I put on my big boy pants and announced out loud that I was not going to spend my ride home wallowing in woulda, shoulda, coulda.

    I switched radio stations and heard a Greenday song that I could sing, loudly. I turned up the radio and put my all into each verse. Soon, I was nearing home and the thoughts had subsided. The evening from there was enjoyable.

    I pulled up to the mailbox which is a quarter-mile from the house and picked up today’s mail and the newspaper.

    It was sprinkling a bit. I drove across the dam and up the hill. Turning to the right, I drove along our shared gravel driveway, past three neighbor houses, spread apart by forest and some open acreage. Turning into our gravel parking area, the solar-powered motion activated light came on. We put this up so that we could see better at night or in the early morning.

    Plus, the light makes it easier to see any black bears wandering nearby.

    After a brief time of unwinding, I headed to bed. The storm that had sprinkled on me as I got the mail, was now a full-blown thunderstorm, with energetic thunder and lightning. Soon after turning the light off, a clap of thunder and a bolt of lightning seemed to happen simultaneously.

    The ferocity of both seemed to have happened right outside the bedroom window.

    In fact, even with the blackout curtains drawn, the room was lit up for a moment. Arising, I checked out the back yard, expecting to see something on fire. The reality is the lighting probably hit Parker mountain a mile from us. The jolt defiantly got my total attention.

    Unhelpful thinking for me is a lot like that.

    When it happens, it gets my full and undivided attention. If I make a conscious effort to challenge it, I can quickly decide how I will respond. But sometimes that is easier to say. And there are times where I do not challenge unhelpful thinking as it happens. I know something is not right, but it may take me a day or two to figure out what is really going on.

    READ: Up Against the Wall – 10 Unhelpful Thinking Styles

    Depression is happier when I have those thoughts and don’t quickly confront them.

    The new day has begun, and I have a chance to do better. The rock is still there, but it seems more like a pebble today. The hill is just a hill. The day is shaping up nicely. If those thoughts cross my path, I will acknowledge them and then just let them go. I can do this. I have used mindfulness meditation in the past and have applied it to these thoughts.

    So bring on the day, I am ready!

    My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

    Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn.

     If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. 

    I very much appreciate your comments.

    The post Why Do I Have These Thoughts? appeared first on My Concealed Depression.


    A Time to Sow, A Time to Reap – My Unhelpful Thinking Exposed

    After 15 months of sowing, I am beyond doubt getting to reap some benefits. Depression is no longer the unknown figure lurking in the wings, trying to lure me with candy and peanuts. There are many tools I use daily to understand the sneaky, devious ways depression exploits situations to entice me to follow its... The post A Time to Sow, A Time to Reap – My Unhelpful Thinking Exposed appeared first on My Concealed...

    After 15 months of sowing, I am beyond doubt getting to reap some benefits.

    Depression is no longer the unknown figure lurking in the wings, trying to lure me with candy and peanuts. There are many tools I use daily to understand the sneaky, devious ways depression exploits situations to entice me to follow its ideas.

    Just yesterday, depression was attempting to insist I question my self-worth.

    READ: I’m still breaking up with depression

    I was looking at my day job annual review. Even knowing I have things I can work on, seeing anything negative was a trigger and depression didn’t miss the cue.

    Depression immediately got me focusing on one small part of the picture, leaving all evidence to the contrary as too minuscule to bother with. It turns out I was overinflating the importance of one portion of the picture, at the expense of a huge volume of evidence to the contrary. I found myself minimizing this body of evidence.

    Today, I ask better questions about the picture depression has me painting.

    I even had the courage to solicit a trusted support person for their advice. This helped confirm that with depression’s help, I was taking positive testimony and refuting it, making it into something it isn’t. Seeing this allowed me to change my attitude towards the situation. Thankfully, I once again became confident in my abilities and am ready to face the new challenge.

    Unhelpful thinking has been one of the go-to tools depression uses on me.

    Many times, I have had self-esteem issues fueled by all or nothing thinking. The bad news is, in the past, these feelings of inadequacy could last for weeks or months. The incredibly good news is, now I am catching this sooner. Worst case, it will be days. But in the past few months, I find I am sometimes catching them as they come out of my mouth.

    Knowing depression is there, ready to send me unhelpful thinking keeps me on the lookout.

    READ: Depression introduced me to unhelpful thinking styles

    I understand that depression will toss in the pride card, too, suggesting I can figure things out without asking for help. Depression loves secrets. However, I am onto this and all of my depressions schemes these days. And I am ready to act. It is my personal duty to act. It is my mission now.

    I accept this assignment as a tangible way to lead a balanced life with depression.

    My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

    Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn.

     If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. 

    I very much appreciate your comments. I learn from them and respond to everyone.

    The post A Time to Sow, A Time to Reap – My Unhelpful Thinking Exposed appeared first on My Concealed Depression.


    Depression Introduced Me to Unhelpful Thinking Styles

    It has been 15 months since depression, and I walked into the emergency room. The tools I have learned since that morning are making my day-to-day life more balanced. I am much more consistent in my mood and attitude. Frequently the days do not look daunting and I am able to get up and get... The post Depression Introduced Me to Unhelpful Thinking Styles appeared first on My Concealed...

    It has been 15 months since depression, and I walked into the emergency room.

    The tools I have learned since that morning are making my day-to-day life more balanced. I am much more consistent in my mood and attitude. Frequently the days do not look daunting and I am able to get up and get going. Even a few months ago, I was wondering if I would ever be able to do that again.

    Framing my thoughts in an all or nothing context is one of the hallmark moves depression and I share.

    Yet, until 15 months ago, I never recognized unhelpful thinking. I admit I really didn’t know what it was, that it was a real thing. For many years, I would spend a huge amount of some days’ time traveling. Slipping into the past, I would relive events. Then I would start blaming myself or feeling shame for my actions or lack of actions.

    But this behavior was not as damaging as when I would start woulda, coulda, shoulda “ing”.

    READ: I promise not to should on myself today

    Beating myself up for my past actions is great sport for depression. Even though I now recognize this and can catch myself as I begin to do it, correcting this behavior is still a work in progress.

    Even wilder is my ability to time travel into the future.

    Once I began to do that, I found a way to make judgements about situations without the messiness of interacting with anyone. Visualizing a situation, I would consult depression and we would come up with a reason why this was occurring. Then I would project the outcome. And I would do this without any facts. And even better, according to depression, I would not need to talk to anyone.

    Depression loves it when I keep secrets.

    And making judgements about future events without using the facts or talking to anyone is very clandestine. The closer to the vest I keep my actions, the prouder depression is of me. Nobody knows me better than depression. That is what I told myself for 43+ years. And I would quickly forget how each project depression and I worked on, would end in disaster for me.

    Somehow, depression is never around when it is time to pay the bill.

    Time traveling was one of the reasons I ended up in 5 North. Depression was really peeved that things were going so well. This was after we had moved to the country where we plan to spend the next 30 years. Work was great, my relationships with people were blossoming, and every day held a promise of greatness.

    This was more than depression could stand, so it pulled out time travel.

    READ: I didn’t time-travel this past weekend

    I began to see my future self not going to a day job. My side business for over 10 years could become my full-time work and I could give up my well thought out plans for future retirement. Casually mentioning this to my support groups, I was incredibly careful not to share any details about my plan.

    Seeing the picture in my head of my future, I did not need a reality check. Depression was truly clear that I should not divulge the results of my time traveling.

    And the next 14 months proves once again that Depression’s idea of success was detrimental to my health.

    I still time travel, allowing myself to create a future that fits my needs. Reality often is not a part of how I envision the situation unfolding, so I can easily create danger where there is none. Or a positive outcome when all signs point to disaster.

    Unhelpful, all or nothing, catastrophizing, time-traveling thinking is one of depressions most powerful tools.

    SMART recovery has a tool I am using to combat unhelpful thinking, asking 6 questions. SEE ALL SIX QUESTIONS AT SMART RECOVERY. Depression is not happy when I ask these questions about an idea. Being secretive, I am not allowed to question the idea of time travel and see anything but what depression has cooked up for me. Finally, using these questions is becoming easier. But depression is nothing if not doggedly persistent. So, I must be constantly on alert, ready to openly address unhelpful thinking.

    And these questions are leading me towards a more balanced life with depression.

    READ: When Will I Ask These 12 Better Questions?

    Look and see what you think. I know my depression would be happier if I did not challenge its ideas. Whether it is these questions or some other vehicle, saying things out loud can make unhelpful thinking more visible.

    For me, once I can see it, I can do something about it.

    My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

    Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn. If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. 

    I very much appreciate your comments.

    The post Depression Introduced Me to Unhelpful Thinking Styles appeared first on My Concealed Depression.


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