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Up until about 5 minutes ago the County Clerks office in Los Angeles had marriage licenses available for couples with a Bride and a Groom. Their office has officially changed the licenses to include same-sex couples by changing the wording to say Party A and Party B. At 5:01pm same-sex couples across the state will begin to flood the website to apply for a marriage license to wed here in the State of California. This is a historic event!! Congratulations to all of the couples participating in a marriage ceremony soon - your time to apply for an application is almost here!!! HUGGGGSSSSS!!! Sincerely, ~JuliePhineas~
About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more and view her photos by visiting her page on MySpace.
There is a mass wedding for same-sex couples being held at 7pm on Tuesday June 17 at the Gay and Lesbian Center in Long Beach, which is close to my neighborhood here in Southern California.
With two children, a teenage sister, two cats and a dog named Buddy living with us, the plotting and planning of our lesbian wedding is getting complicated. We've had to discuss and decide on many important things as a couple and as a family in the past few weeks such as, should we get married at a mass wedding? Do we add homophobes we're related to on our guest list? Do we even want to get married under these circumstances, knowing we might have to tell our children our status was taken away in November?? Let me tell you friends, it has been an 'emotional rollercoaster' these past few weeks. Dealing with the different aspects of the plotting and planning of my lesbian wedding have left me physically tired yet even more determined than ever to marry Gina because she is the love of my life and the one woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. At this point, after all the drama, Gina and I have decided to keep it simple.
After we found out that we had rights, we were extremely excited and we told the family and friends that were closest to us and had shown us support all these years.
What was very surprising was the reaction happened to be a very mixed reaction, rather than a united front of congratulations. I felt like some of our very dearest family and friends still viewed us as ?second class citizens'. We were very hurt and I?ve done a lot of crying lately. Writing the guest list became an emotional event, and it really scaled back the plans that we had. Our first thought was to of course go all out and have a big wedding. Finances combined with the need to marry by November crossed that off the list and the next option was a small ceremony with about 100 guests, possibly in a banquet room at the local Marriott, with cake and champagne afterwards, plus apple cider for the kiddos. Our guest list has about 100 people that are just close family, so we had to cut out a lot of other people from the list at that point. We decided we would take a nice photo on our big day and send out announcements to the people that we couldn?t invite.
Then another reality set in - our families are not going to help us with the cost? we?re on our own here!
When I think about it, I just spent a ton of money defending myself in family court where I got totally financially screwed because I am gay (there?s no other way to put it!); and I?ve also spent a ton of money to secure my children?s future plus change my last name because those things don?t come with a domestic partnership. Plus I have to go back and appeal the family court ruling, file a complaint against the judge, and request transcripts too? it gets very expensive! Looking at our final guest list, we realized we were inviting people who we know don?t support our relationship just because they are closely related. It really made me feel like I was about to put my household in a financial bind to make sure that every body else, including those who don't support our relationship, would have a nice time on our big day. Sorry friends, but I just can?t bring myself to do that!
This was a nice change for us because we were able to let go of a lot of the stress of planning a big wedding in such a short amount of time.
We decided we would keep things small and just do a civil ceremony at the County Clerks office. I looked into the website for the Los Angeles County Clerks office , and found that we can apply for our marriage license online after 5pm here on June 16, and then we can pick it up as early as 8am on June17th. We can schedule an appointment for our ceremony at the time that we pick up our marriage license, and we are hoping that we will be able to get married the same day. The County Clerks office in Norwalk is where we will be going to pick up the license since there is no appointment needed, and they will be performing same sex wedding ceremonies that day until 8pm on a first come, first serve basis (article). Each of the County Clerks offices in California is handling the event differently, for example the clerks office in Bakersfield which is opting simply to not marry anybody anymore, gay or straight (article). The County Clerks office in Nevada City is planning to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples starting 8am on June 17th (article), while the county clerks office in San Francisco has pulled some strings to start doing so at 5:01pm on June 16th. They are asking couples to BYOB ? bring your own bell ? wedding bell that is! You can read more about that here. Plus here is an article with ?Reader questions and answers on gay marriage? by the LA Times, and an article titled ?What Do I Need To Know About Getting Married In California?? on the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center website here .
In the meantime, Gina and I are getting ready to put on some white and head down to the Clerks office on Tuesday.
We?ve started an online wedding registry here which donates to the Equality for All Campaign. Any couple can register online here. We?re getting ready mentally to handle our big day and become Mrs. and Mrs. Phineas, even though we?ve lived as though we are married for about 5 years now. Some of our friends and family have been asking us what we plan to do, and there have been a few opportunities to have our ceremony on TV. In the midst of everything we are trying to stay connected and focused on our family and home life. After all of the details are worked out, the bottom line is that we love each other, and we want to protect our wishes in regards to our relationship and family with the marriage rights that we deserve.
Both Gina and I have come a long way from wanting the big flashy wedding in front of everybody, to simply cherishing a hugely symbolic moment in time that is shared only between me and her.
We are getting the wedding jitters but we are committed to each other and our life together so any talks of prenuptial agreements, divorces, and even bucking the establishment by not getting married were met with laughter and a kiss. After an initial shock of the reality of it all, and going through the pre-wedding planning in such a short amount of time, we are still committed to spending the rest of our lives together. Since there is no big wedding to worry about, we are just spending these few days preparing our minds, scheduling the babysitter, and deciding how we?re going to do our hair. Let the naysayers say what they will, but we are moving forward with our love and our life together, and Tuesday we hope to take the final step towards equal rights for our relationship together. I?ll definitely keep you posted, when I post part three of My Lesbian Wedding? Our Big Day!
Until then, thank you for all of the congratulations that I have received and for the well wishes on our big day!
About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more and view her photos by visiting her page on MySpace.
Today is the 3rd Annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day and throughout the day you will find blogs across the internet posting in support of LGBT Families.
Each blog who posts in support of Blogging for LGBT Families Day is listed on the list of contributing posts in an effort to raise awareness for LGBT families and the blogs who support them. This event is brought to you by The Mombian Blog which offers ?Sustenance for Lesbian Moms? and is sponsored by The Family Equality Council .
Posts are being added all day long, and so far there are some pretty interesting posts to check out.
Here is a list of my favorites so far: Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage: Laws for LGBT Families with Children - link
Alabama Blue Dot: Family by Fate and by Choice - link
BlogHer - Denise: Blogging for LGBT Families Day: Just like you, except for the hate thing - link
Damn Straight: Not really an issue ? until it is an issue - link
Parenting Beyond the Pale: Coming Out? at Costco - link
3 Garzas & La Gringa: Family Day ?Every Day - link
You can find the entire list of contributing posts here, which is being updated throughout the day.
You can find the entire list of contributing posts here, which is being updated throughout the day.
If you would like to participate in the 3rd Annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day to help to raise awareness and show support for LGBT Families, simply post an entry on your blog and send the link to lgbtfamilies@mombian.com. Also be sure to visit the list of contributing posts for more blogs like this one who support the rights of families in the LGBT community. There are some great blogs showing support this year so you'll find some new favorites to add to your feeds and bookmarks. A special thanks to Mombian and The Family Equality Council for putting this web event together, and for helping to raise awareness for LGBT families around the world!
About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more and view her photos by visiting her page on MySpace.
Four years ago, I was sitting in a hospital room with my mother, who was about 10 years into her battle with diabetes.
The day is vivid and the moment is forever burned into my life ? George W. Bush was re-elected. (article) This is a very emotional subject for me because when that happened a deep truth hit me hard? there would be no chance in hell for gay marriage rights for the next four years. I had been holding it together for my mom, keeping a brave face; but the moment the news flashed the story I broke down and cried? it still makes me cry for such a grave injustice to have happened. Now flash forward four years, and my mother has been back in the hospital since January. (Please send prayers!) I happened to be sitting with her overnight on May 14th and I had the TV on with her when the news flashed a story that brought me to my knees; A vote was to occur the next day over whether to overturn the ban on gay marriage in California or not! As luck would have it, CNN reported that The California Supreme Court overturned the ban on gay marriage and now gay and lesbian couples have the right to marry in the state of California!! Tears of joy began to flow on May 15th, 2008 and they haven?t stopped since!
My mother is still in the hospital, and there are many other situations in my life right now that have been causing distress and pain; but now... now we have something beautiful to hold onto.
Since that day, many of my friends have sent congratulations and well wishes once they heard the news. Some of the gay friends I have are getting nervous about their partner expecting a wedding, too. Isn?t that funny? I have read stories of gay couples who have been together for decades who have been waiting to marry each other. They are finally planning their weddings! It just makes me so happy and full of joy that so many people are finally able to have the wedding experience with the love of their life. I am telling you that I always cry at weddings; and now that gay marriage is legal in California I have had so many joyful crying spells I am starting to get embarrassed about it. There is definitely a wedding buzz around here as we prepare for the ruling to take effect so that we can file for a marriage license which is currently projected to be June 17, 2008. Gina and I have had to get it in gear and really think about our ?lesbian wedding?. It?s hilarious the things we get to go through that we didn?t before such as debating issues like pre-nuptial agreements and seating charts. *LOL We wonder if we will run into the press at the county clerks office and if there will be a shortage on wedding dresses when we go to buy ours. *LOL It?s also interesting to notice that the gay friendly businesses are coming out of the woodwork and the LGBT community has more of a guidepost of which places we are able to plan our weddings with pride.
Even big names like Macy's are showing support for the LGBT community by encouraging gay and lesbian couples to use their bridal registry for their big day.
Online gay jeweler, Love and Pride Jewelry, is now offering a 10% discount on all bridal rings in celebration of marriage equality in California, and Cherished Weddings Vows Chapel in Torrance, CA has set themselves up online with a series of blogs catering to the increased demand for weddings in California. You can stay up to date on the latest in LA Weddings at one of their new blogs, The L.A. Wedding Resource . Of course there have always been websites online that cater to gay marriages and lesbian weddings such as Alt Wed and The Rainbow Wedding Network , even Two Brides.com and Two Grooms.com. As Gina and I continue to think out and plan our big day, we have come across items such as gay and lesbian cake toppers at this site , lesbian friendly wedding invitations at OutVite.com , and LGBT wedding favors at the GayWeddings.com online store.
Any way you look at it, marriage equality in California is a boost to the US economy.
Whichever route we take to our big day, it will be painted with pink money! Weighing our wedding options we are looking at a pretty penny to walk down the aisle together, and we aren?t even planning a big wedding! We have to consider my wedding dress, and what is Gina going to wear? She really doesn?t do dresses. There is the wedding cake, and the wedding favors, the invitations and thank you cards; plus we have to consider a honeymoon and what about bachelorette parties?? There will be the flowers, the marriage license, and all the other little things that will surely add up. Since May 15th, Gina and I have been working more overtime than ever to pay for the event!!
Because of a November ballot initiative to ban gay marriage in California it looks like it will be a summer wedding.
There is a certain pressure to get married quickly in case we never get this chance again. As the NY Times reports here, the ruling in California has fueled the same-sex marriage battle rather than ending it. Amidst the joy and excitement, there is still the dread of the possibility that our right to marry can be taken away in November. It?s sad to think that we could go through all the same motions that a straight couple does for their wedding, but we could end up with exactly zero change in status or recognition, plus zero stability and security for our children from the government in the form of social security, taxes, and more. According to the NY Times article:
?California has more than 100,000 households headed by gay couples, about a quarter with children, according to 2000 census data.?
I have tried to be very vocal with my friends and family so they know how important their vote is this November. All Californians should come out to the polls and vote this November and have their vote heard in this historic time. What everyone can do right now to voice our vote is to sign the Million for Marriage petition from The Human Rights Campaign. The anti-gay initiatives are backed by funding that pro-gay initiatives have not been privy too, and they have gathered over a million signatures for their initiative. We need to surpass this amount and demand that marriage equality in California be here to stay, which will help other marriage equality initiatives in the future. For now, please take some time to visit the Million for Marriage website and sign the petition to let your voice be heard!
Whichever way things go in November, Gina and I are going to proceed with our lesbian wedding, and we will keep you posted through it all.
The next step is going to be plotting and planning our lesbian wedding, our big day, the honeymoon, and then ?waiting for November?. Right now we are living in limbo and waiting for June 17th so that we can make an appointment to get our marriage license. Then from there we can set a date and go from there. There is still a possibility that the anti-gay initiatives will stop the licenses from being issued before then, so we won?t terminate our Domestic Partnership (article). As you might guess, I have been surfing online and finding out everything I need to know to make the process go as smooth as possible. FYI, here is where you can get information on obtaining a marriage license in Los Angeles County. For those couples who are planning their own gay or lesbian wedding, here is a list of books from Amazon with information on planning your gay marriage and more:
The next few months are going to be interesting to say the least, and I am looking forward to a beautiful wedding day and relaxing honeymoon!
The guest list is longer than we thought it would be, and finding a reception area with one month notice is asking for a miracle? but, after the California Supreme Court ruling on May 15th, I know that miracles can happen.
Stay tuned for part two, the Plotting and Planning of My Lesbian Wedding.
About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more and view her photos by visiting her page on MySpace.
Hello world? how are things?? I hope that all is going well for you and yours.
Unfortunately my friends, despite the fact that California recently granted rights to gay and lesbian couples to wed in our state, things have not been going that well for me. You may have noticed that I haven?t posted here since March, although I did write an article for Lesbiatopia about Buddy G.tv that you can read here. I have to be honest with you all that the reason that I haven?t been writing online lately is because I have had a lot of things happen in my life lately that have slowly but surely turned me into an Angry Lesbian. This is mostly because I have been overwhelmed with situations in my life that call for me to deal with other people in highly emotional situations. During these situations, many times homophobic words will come out of a person?s mouth that first and foremost stuns me, and secondly sends me into an angry spin! I didn?t want to post anything un-productive on this blog and basically I needed some time to blow off some steam.
To see another human being hurt or suffering causes me deep sorrow and angst; and to know that someone would cause another to suffer intentionally is something that flat out makes me mad.
I have always been the type to help another in need if I could, and I find myself coming to someone?s aid more and more these days. With this deep sense of wanting to help the world and those who are less fortunate, it pains me to know that I myself and the rest of the LGBT community are truly less fortunate when it comes to simple and basic rights that we would have if only we were straight. I am very blessed to have had opportunities to grow and evolve as a person and reach the point that I am at in my life. On the other hand, I walk my life knowing that others around me could possibly want to keep their kids away from me or my children; that I could be denied seating, jobs, a proper greeting from wait staff and many other ?minor? things ? only IF they find out that I am a lesbian. Most of the time in my mind I am saying to myself, ?Do I tell them? Do I not? Do I let them find out on their own?? Well you might guess what me and my hot-headed self over here decides to do ? I always tell ?em.
I live my life ?out of the closet? and anybody who cares to notice can tell that Gina and I are a couple, and lately that has been working completely out of our favor.
I have a younger sister who is 15 years old and recently came to live with us. Through all of this stress it comes to light that my father was living under the impression that Gina and I were only ?roommates?. I wrote an article about it here called The Pain of Having a Homophobic Parent. Within the same week I also got an email from a blog directory that I have submitted all of my blogs to in the past called Blog Explosion. This site proceeded to tell me that this blog, Lesbian Mommy, was declined for their directory because of nudity. I was so confused! There is no nudity on this site, but the photos of two girls kissing in my posts about The Reasons I Like Being a Lesbian were on the homepage at the time so I speculate that?s what it was. The funny thing is that if you read that post, the photo I am referring to is of the two Flavor of Love girls ? New York and Pumpkin (both straight) ? and the article simply comments on how the media portrays the LGBT community in comparison to the straight community. Then around the same timeframe my wife and I come to find out that we weren?t invited to a family members baby shower because we are gay. Okay ? that one hurt! So I have all these things happening at once and then a homophobic anonymous poster on Lesbiatopia posted hateful messages and really sent me on a spin!! Here are the related comments and you can see how that played out:
Anonymous said... May 7, 2008 7:34 PM Lesberita--
normal people don't think about transgendered issues because we don't care. and when we do think about them, it's because faggots do something stupid like try to teach a nine year old that HE is a faggot too.
1. Paula the Surf Mom said... May 8, 2008 3:26 AM You know Anon I realize that you choose to use the word faggot to shock and deliberately cause offense and also to show that somehow you think you self superior, but in reality all you just did here was expose your ignorance to the world and let our reader know that there are still people like you out, that need to be educated and challenged.
I can also see from your comment that someone who lives life in a manner quite different that you do represents a threat to you, a threat to your ego in the sense that maybe your own choices may prove not to be optimal.
Yes Anon I see nothing but fear in your comment, a fact that was only emphasized by you choosing not to leave your name. Could it be you know that most ?normal people? reading your comment will view your use of the word faggot in this context as ignorant? Did not want to be held responsible for your comment because you know that expressing your thoughts as you just did that most ?normal people? will think you nothing but a stupid bigot?
Yes I can see you hate ?faggots? but I can also see you know that ?normal people? hate bigots.
2. Paula the Surf Mom said... May 8, 2008 3:40 AM here is another thought for you Anon...
Someday the way the Haverford school system handled this situation with be the way all school systems handle it, because they would rather piss off anonymous ignorant bigots like you then see anymore dead kids and that you can take to the bank.
5. Anonymous said... May 8, 2008 8:08 PM dear paul the surf retard,
shove fucking off. i was mildly amused by your gay-rights-handbook psychoanalysis, but your theories are pretty silly considering we don't know each other.
also, your prediction about "all school systems" is absurd. if you step out of your fag community bubble for five minutes, you'll find that everyone who is not a hippy or die-hard leftist thinks your lifestyle is filthy.
-anon
p.s. shut up randomkid.
7. ~Julie Phineas~ said... May 8, 2008 8:57 PM WOW that anon person is really angry at gays... you know what that means ladies - anon is projecting! And you know what, I put my name out there and yes I'm a big faggot lesbo - oooh big deal. I still have to pay my freakin taxes!! So I have as much a right to live my life being what you call 'filthy' as you do being an asshole - yeah I said it, so piss off and go find some bigot blog to post on. You know you only found this site cause you were lookin for lesbian pics anyway - well here you go you got us!! And guess what ANON, we care about everyone's rights, even yours, so leave the 9 yr old kid and Paula alone, and feel free to find another forum for your unproductive opinion.
Peace and Blessings to You and Yours ANON!
Signed,
~Julie Phineas~
8. ~Julie Phineas~ said... May 8, 2008 9:01 PM PS Dear Lesbiatopia...I'm sorry for yelling. Please resume your lesbian reading duties. Thank You. ~JP~
So as you can see I was a ?lil mad. =0( Sorry Lesbiatopia readers!!! I really don?t like to feel the way that these situations were making me feel and I seriously noticed the anger building up inside of me at all of these homophobic experiences, which was starting to spill out of me.
Even still something even more dramatic was to follow, and really put me to the test as an Angry Lesbian ? I was discriminated against in Family Court.
A routine child support modification was already worked out between my ex-husband and myself and all we had to do was get a new order from the judge. Instead, the judge ordered that my domestic partner and I are not to claim the two children on our taxes even though they live with us, because ? and I quote ? we ?won?t be getting rights anytime soon?. The judge said some other derogatory things and had a very hateful attitude towards Gina and myself. As you can imagine I was pretty angry at the judge for her snappy comments such as telling me that I am ?giving my children away to my domestic partner and throwing money in the trash?. (Mind you, she didn?t even look at our taxes or my ex-husband?s taxes so she had no clue as to what our tax refunds looked like.) The hardest part of the whole experience was the way she talked down to Gina, who was in the audience, when she has been raising the children with me since they were in diapers. The judge treated her like she was someone I met in the hallway.
When you are standing before a judge in a court of law, there is no room for anger, backtalk, or emotional outbursts.
There were so many things that I truly wanted to say to the judge, and everything in me wanted to defend my wife?s honor and my own pride by snapping back with a dose of Truth. What is horrible in this situation is that I knew if I said anything to defend myself I would have been risking custody of my children. When I tried to present any argument to her judgment she dismissed me with a wave of her hand and made me out to look like a bad mother for having a domestic partner. At a certain point, I just put my paperwork away and sat there and took it. I let her make her judgment, and walked out of the court. That evening I contacted the ACLU, and in the following days contacted the NCLR, HRC and other gay and lesbian activism websites for legal advice and basically to report the incident to them. It was sad to find that this particular case of discrimination by a lesbophobic judge is not rare at all, and many lesbian moms have been discriminated against in a court of law, even losing custody of their children at times because of their sexual orientation. This of course, just makes me even more angry. Arrgh.
What?s a lesbian to do???
I can?t imagine how the couples who are together for decades have done it, but I decided to look into some serious therapies so that this anger does not consume my life. First and foremost I Google?d the keyword ?anger management? and found a great site with an article called Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You that has some great insights and advice on managing anger. Plus I picked up a book I have read before called The Anger Diet. When I read the book before, I just brushed over it and didn?t sit down to do the exercises, promising my self to do them at a later date. Well it seems that date is now because I really need to let some of this anger go. I already have in a way, because I am determined to live my life and be happy.
No person can stop me from loving my wife and that is another big win for team lesbian. *wink*
But I am also taking some extra measures to avoid the pitfalls of being an Angry Lesbian, such as possibly being held in contempt of court. I have to work on the situation with my father, and I?m not going to stop blogging because one site says girls? kissing is nudity. Plus anonymous commenter?s can?t spew hate on this blog because I moderate my comments anyway!
On the inside though, I?ve got a ways to go before I can be ?okay? with the way that things are for the LGBT community. I?d like to see the straight community make more of an effort to show support for LGBT rights, so that things with the LGBT community can be ?okay?. But mostly, I?d like to know that the friends and family of gay and lesbian couples across California will stand by us when elections come in November so that the rights for us to marry here aren?t taken away. I guess we?ll see what happens! Until then, to turn my anger into something productive, I created a T-shirt on Zazzle for angry lesbians below:
I also created a coffee mug here and a bumper sticker here. They all say "Angry Lesbian." on them and you can customize the products for your personal taste. I felt like this was a good way for me to get my emotions out without hurting anyone in the process, so I hope that you'll enjoy these items. That being said, thank you for taking the time to read this post. Stay tuned for more on my up and coming Lesbian Wedding, and stay well in the meantime!
About the Author: Julie Phineas is a work at home mom of 2 who lives in Southern California. You can find out more and view her photos by visiting her page on MySpace.
Blog Directory ID: 1849
Blog URL: http://lesbianmommy.blogspot.com
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Blog Description: Follow Along on The Adventures of A Lesbian Mom Living in Southern California
Blog Tags: lesbian - lesbian mom - gay family - gay pride - lesbian life - two mom - lgbt - glbt
Blog Category: Lesbian Blogs
Blog Owner: Julie Phineas
Blog Added: March 09, 2008 10:32:12 AM
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