So McCain chose a conservative governor who just happens to be a female as his running mate. What astonishes me is that the women of this country just fell hook line and sinker for this obvious ploy to grab their independent votes. As female, I am insulted that McCain would believe that my pretty little head would just go ga-ga all over the fact that he chose a female and that I wouldn't check out the woman's background and voting record. I have checked and know that we are oceans away from one another.
Evidently, by reading the latest comments from women independents who went racing over to McCain's side, I am one of the few.
and type in Fort Wainwright in "Site Name" box. There are over 120 reports on the Contaminated Sites, State of Alaska - Fort Wainwright website. And these are just the ones that are published.....
Google "Fort Wainwright contamination" and start reading. You will see report after report that the military base is nothing but a toxic nightmare that has been exposing people (small children, pregnant women, etc.) to radioactive materials, pesticides, cancer-causing chemical etc. for at least 50 years. Push the government for figures on what illnesses are affecting the adults (and their offspring) who were children on that base in the 1960's and all you will get is "the records don't go back that far."
Ms. Palin made a statement recently that said, "Show me where I have ever said that there?s absolute proof that nothing that man has ever conducted or engaged in has had any effect or no effect on climate change." " I have not said that," Palin told ABC News in an interview broadcast Thursday and Friday.
But she told Newsmax (internet news site) "A changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state, because of our location. ? I?m not one, though, who would attribute it to being man-made." Hmmmm........way to stay on top of the scientific facts.
Well, I am one of those children and all I can say is that my family, immediate and otherwise are health disasters. Autoimmune and primary immune illnesses are running amok with an actual genetic mutation.
There has never been any notification to my family that we may have been exposed to radioactive materials, chemical, pesticides and all the other poisons that have been found at Fort Wainwright. The military has not bothered to follow the health of the people stationed at Fort Wainwright before the attempts at cleanup started.
Anyone who thinks the government needs to take a long hard look at the health of the families who were poisoned at that base, raise your hand. Anyone who thinks that the government needs to stop fooling around and approve my SSDI application....well, don't raise your hand....my doctors have already answered that question.
But hey, ummmm, Ms. Palin.......uhhhh, it's the location of Alaska causing global warming............. Well, she might be right about that after all........
I don't know how everyone else is doing but my friends and I are struggling financially. Of course, having a bunch of chronic conditions that left me unable to work (doctor's orders) and SSDI taking their time in slowly bankrupting me, I have had to cut huge corners. Where is that knight in shining armor when you need him??? Anyway, I hate leaving my house and it took me six hours to convince myself to go to the grocery store. I swear.....it used to be just the idea of leaving my house that would throw me into a panic attack......now I have the added bonus of sticker shock at the grocery store. It's a good thing I love peanut butter.....................
So for any of you that have had to shut your cable off........don't get me started on cable companies and how they hold their customers hostage..........here is a terrific website just for you. HULU.COM. You can catch up on so many of the shows that are on cable like "Burn Notice." I was beside myself with joy with I discovered the site in June. They have whole seasons, clips, movies, etc. Due to not being able to sit for very long, I had my son move my computer next to my bed and I just log on, pick my show, lay down and start watching. It has been my best friend on those nights when pain kept me awake all night.
I am aware that a lot of the networks have their programs on their websites (like ABC) and if Hulu doesn't have the show, I will grumble my way to the network website. But frankly, I haven't found anyone who has a better player than the one that is being used at Hulu. And you don't have to download anything. Bonus!!!
Since my hearing took a beating at all those concerts at Winterland and Oakland Coliseum in the 70's --- yes, I did think that I had to stand right next to the speakers --- I am thrilled to be able to use the headphones and actually hear what people are saying without deafening my neighbors with volume.
So if you are sitting on your bed, in cable withdrawal, move that computer screen and log onto to Hulu. They are getting more and more programs every week. You won't be sorry.
I know, I know. Sometimes my titles are corny. Sometimes I think my whole life is corny. Everytime I come out of one of my...... disassociation attacks???......I always seem to have a moment of clarity when it becomes obvious to me how changed I am. Whenever I ask my psychologist when I am going to get better, he tells me that he doesn't see it that way. He says I am going to "be better."
From my own perspective, PTSD is a strange disorder to have. Looking at yourself from an intellectual position, you hear all the terms and you understand what you are hearing. And then in those moments of clarity, you realize exactly how those terms apply to you. You realize that your belief system has gone astray and that you are different. And then the clarity seems to fade and you seem to lose the progress you have made in that moment. It is the strangest feeling.
I am thankful that you chose to come home my daughter. I am thankful that I chose to stay quiet and let you make that decision on your own. I am thankful for those hours with my grandchild. I am absolutely terrified at how well I understand what the doctors are telling me about his illness. Was that what it was all along? You got it --- I fought it. I understand that our time with him may be so short. I was the one in denial? You saw his future most honestly than I did, I see that now.
Our talks these past couple of weeks have healed many old wounds. I am thankful for our honesty with one another. I rejoice that we are becoming united as before. I believe that it is this unity that will give us the strength we are going to need down the road. I despair at his father's denial, all the lies he tells himself and others. His father needs his own moment of clarity, doesn't he?
I can almost visualize pages turning as I continue to fight. Maybe not so corny after all.
Well it has been a little while since I have posted anything. I've been in such a pain spiral, I was barely answering the phone. Too many things hitting at once and as I have learned so successfully, run for the bedroom.The doctor added some more medicine today, we are hopeful this one will help the other meds work better.
The neuro doc has ordered another MRI. This time, the curtain came half way down over both eyes. It was the strangest sensation. I kept waiting for the curtain to fall all the way down but it didn't. It was a gigantic relief but the doctor wants to make sure there wasn't any unseen damage to the seeing eye. I think it's okay but you know, with just the one eye left to see out of, we have to be careful. Update: everything is fine, it is just the migraines he thinks.
Oh, and a foundation paid for a new pair of glasses with even better bulletproofing and teflon coating to help with the stars and halos around lights. Even though I'm driving so little, you know my fears about only seeing out of one eye. I am so grateful to that foundation for putting up the money for the glasses. Update: Glasses in and what a terrific improvement that teflon made. Such a small thing to most people (getting a new pair of glasses) but a gigantic thing to us, yes?
Oh child of mine, I miss you everyday. My heart is just so heavy with sadness for you. I keep seeing your face that day at your cousin's baby's funeral. Was that the day when you saw your future with your little boy? Honey, I am only his grandmother, I can only just imagine what it might be like for you but I can't know. I've never told you (I wonder if you'll ever read this) but I pray everyday that I die before my only grandchild dies. No grandmother should ever have to bury her grandson. No mother should ever have a time limit on her son's life. No one should ever be at the mercy of the government -- a president who delays research that could save our sweet boy's life. I have nothing nice about that subject so I'll just leave it at that.
Your son and I watched cartoons last week. We laughed and laughed together. He has such a wonderful sense of humor, just like you. And he gets smarter everyday. He is old enough and certainly smart enough.
I have so many regrets about that moment at that funeral. You looked so sad, so alone. I should have called out for help so I could get to you. Did you think you were alone? You never were and you never are. Everyday I think about how you must have been visualizing your future.We don't have to do anything yet, you know that time is not in our favor. Oh girl, I know you grieve everyday. This illness is not your fault, I hope that you never thought that. We can fight this together.
Love Mom.********************************************************
Dear Daughter,
Did I ever tell you that you never cried as an infant? You squirmed and you fussed but you never cried. I was so worried. I used to watch you while you were sleeping and wonder what I was doing wrong, wonder if there was some hidden illness that would someday announce its presence by your silence. I asked my friends who shook their heads as they pondered my quiet child. I reacted in defense as a well-meaning grandmother insisted that all babies cried. I pestered your doctor for answers as to why my child never shed the tears I saw on other infants in the clinic.
I remember the day the mystery was solved for me. I was becoming more and more worried as each day passed. In desperation, I called a old friend of my mother. She had been a social worker for thirty years and I wanted her to take a look at my beautiful child whose blue-eyes never watered. Jean drove sixty miles to ease my fears. We spent the day together, walking through the orchard, picking strawberries from the neighbor's yard, eating lunch at our favorite pie restaurant and sang lullabies out of tune as we rocked you to sleep. While you were sleeping, again I asked, why does my baby never cry?
"Because she has no reason to cry. You satisfy all her needs and give her everything she wants. What could she possibly have to cry about?"
Seemed like such a simple truth thirty years ago.
And yet today, as I search for a way to reach you, I wonder what happened to my child who never had a reason to cry.
I reach out to those whose have been down this road and try to make peace with myself. I listen to wise words and read personal accounts in my quest to understand how you see the world. The world of my baby who never cried.
Today, like yesterday, I have new hope for that baby who never cried. We are here for you - we will continue to bring love and laughter to your child's life. I love you baby girl.
Mom
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Blog Directory ID: 2356
Blog URL: http://journeytohope-lilianna.blogspot.com
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Blog Description: Five years ago, as a consequence of two health issues that were not found early enough, my health deteriorated month by month then week by week. This blog is my journey back from the gloom as I seek a new way to have a good quality of life. This blog is my therapy for myself. Will happily respond to any comments.
Blog Tags: Wellness - family and friends - chronic pain - support system - PTSD - cognitive behavior therapy - relationships - quality of life
Blog Category: Personal Blogs
Blog Owner: lilianna
Blog Added: April 27, 2008 03:38:58 PM
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