Blogging Fusion

Dog Eats Baker?s Dozen Worth of Golf Balls

My old man loves the game of golf. He’s what you call a hacker. Frankly I don’t get what’s so fun about hitting a little white ball around and then chasing it. I mean, it’s not like the balls are marshmellows or even eggs that you can eat afterwards. But hey, nobody ever accused humans of being the sharpest knives in the drawer.

Well, a labrador on the other side of the pond appears to have taken his love of the game of golf and married it up with his love of grub. Ingenious. I wonder why no other canine has ever thought of it!

A dog had to have 13 golf balls removed from its stomach after eating them on walks around a Fife course.

Owner Chris Morrison had been taking five-year-old black labrador Oscar round the Pitreavie golf course in Dunfermline for several months.

He took Oscar to the vet after noticing a rattling sound coming from his pet’s stomach.

Ahh, I see the problem now. With balls rattling around in your stomach, how could you ever sneak up on the kitty and scare the living daylights out of her. You can’t.

They then discovered that 13 balls - each weighing 45 grams - were lodged in his stomach.

He said: “He finds golf balls like truffles.”

Truffles, eh. I bet if you let mother nature takes its course, these golf balls would look like truffles when they reappeared on the golf course.

The balls were removed two weeks ago in a successful hour-long operation. Oscar is now on the road to making a full recovery on a special post-operation diet of watered-down food.Bob Hesketh, 40, principal vet at Vetrica in Rosyth, said “It was like a magic trick. I opened him up and felt what I thought was two or three golf balls.

Off the record, Dr. Bob admitted to keeping the five Titleist Pro V1s all for himself. That way, he says, he’ll have reason to say his game really stinks.

Elephant Tries To Forget Drug Filled Past

Just say no. I learned that from Nancy Reagan at a young age, and I’m happy I did. Others weren’t as disciplined as me when offered to ‘take a trip but never leave the farm.” The consequences of which can be seen across the globe.

Take for instance the journey back to life for this elephant after years of downing heroin laced bananas.

A former drug-addicted elephant has been pronounced clean after a emerging from a three-year detox programme.

The four-year-old bull elephant, called either ‘Big Brother’ or ‘Xiguang’, was captured in 2005 in southwest China by traders who used bananas spiked with heroin to control him.

Big Bro started using drugs at one! Let that be a lesson to you, it’s never too early to have that anti-drug conversation with your pups.

After police arrested the traders and freed Xiguang a few months later, the elephant was confirmed to be suffering from withdrawal symptoms and sent to a wild animal protection centre in Hainan for rehab, Xinhua news agency said on Thursday.

A year of methadone injections at five times the human dosage had helped wean Xiguang off his addiction.

At least he didn’t stoop to shooting heroin under his hoofnails to hide his habit.

?Urine Trouble? Says Delicatessen

I don’t normally comment on the wacky behavior of humans because, well, they’re humans. I figured I’ll let that policy slide for this story since it does fall in line with one of the things I love doing most, marking my territory.

The story comes as no surprise to me, but apparently humans not only find it surprising, but appalling as well.

The Nolita hot spot Delicatessen has a full cocktail menu, pricey food, model patrons - and nightly golden showers, thanks to one pissed-off neighbor.

The glass-roofed lounge, which opened with red carpets and loud trance music in July, has neighbors at 265 Lafayette St. up in arms over the riotous party atmosphere.

But one unidentified building resident has taken matters into his own hands, emptying his bladder on the see-through ceiling from his apartment window above.

Of course where some see problems other’s see opportunity. If it were me, I’d promote the club as the only place on earth where you get to see the world from a toilet’s eye view. Of course on Friday and Saturday nights I’d spice it up by having the ‘pee-er” add some chocolate puddin to his lemonde surprise. But that’s me, Bo Hoefinger, marketing genius.

“We have our quiet little part of SoHo, and people want to keep it that way - but come on, that’s just gross,” [Joshua] Griffler said.

Owners Susan Leonard, Mark Amadei and Stacy Pisonne did not return calls seeking comment.

Anyone else think that Ms. Pisonne is just asking for it?

Angler Reels in One Ugly Fish

I’ll be honest with you, I’m not much for fishing. Don’t blame me, blame my father. He’s the one who’s afraid of putting a worm on a hook and showing me the ropes. Granted, I’d have trouble working the fishing reel, but at least I’d down a few Bowzer Beers while I tried. And let’s face it, isn’t that what fishing is all about?

When I saw this story of a fisherman pulling in a big ole fish, I felt better about spending my Sunday mornings on the couch instead of in a cold river. After reading this story, I have no doubt you’ll agree with me.

An angler had a miraculous escape after catching himself in a freak fishing accident. Peter Inskip, 42, had to be cut off his own line after a two-inch lead weight shot through his neck and lodged at the top of his chest.

The dad-of-one was fishing for carp at a lake near his home when he tried to cast his line out into the water. As he went to flick it forward, the missile-shaped weight caught in undergrowth behind him. Instead of untangling it, the frustrated fisherman tugged as hard as he could.

The story here isn’t that this man caught himself while fishing, but that he actually managed to procreate.

It broke free and rocketed towards him - going straight into his skin “like a bullet”.

The engineer said: “I could see the line hanging out of a perfectly formed hole. It was still attached to my rod, which was in my hand, and I could feel the weight in the back of my throat.”

Off the record I imagine he said, “I knew I’d hooked something big, I just hoped it wasn’t a tire. “

Cow?s Head Stuck in Washing Moochine

Last night I managed to pry the pantry door in the kitchen open to get at some food. On the floor, within snout’s reach, was a bag of cat kibble. Not one to waste an opportunity I partook in the magically delicious taste of crunchy tuna by burying my head deep into the bag. As footsteps approached and the sound of, “BO!!” hit my eardrums, I pulled my head out of the bag.

I was lucky, sometimes it’s not so easy to get out of a situation, as this cow can tell you.

A curious cow got more than she bargained for after investigating an object which had mysteriously arrived in her field.

When the heifer tried to get a closer look, she got her head stuck in a dumped washing machine drum.

Maybe she was looking for that last sock that always seems to disappear in the washing machine.

“It is one of the more unusual things we have had to rescue an animal from,” RSPCA spokeswoman Jo Barr said.

“Young cows are quite curious, and she probably thought there was some food inside the drum.”

Of course the cow may not have been hungry at all and just checking to see if her “skinny jeans” were clean.

Carriage Ride

Romance. Chicks dig that. Even doggie chicks. But me, I’d rather concentrate on where my next peanut butter treat is coming from.  Granted, it probably has a lot to do with the fact I’m neutered, but hey, I feel what I feel.

So the following story about a romantic carriage ride in Brooklyn gone awry makes me chuckle.

A fairy tale wedding march went from nice to nuts Sunday when two horses pulling a Cinderella-style carriage broke loose on a Brooklyn street, police and witnesses said.

The buggy’s driver flew out of his seat and landed on the windshield of a Lincoln Town Car at 12th Ave. and 65th St. in Bay Ridge, cops said.

See what you get when you try to be lovey dovey? I’m sure bride and groom would agree that the gas guzzling limo the buggy’s driver landed on would have been a more appropriate choice.

The groom and bride were walking to the carriage when the pole connecting the horses to the carriage snapped, causing the two white horses to panic.

“The horses got startled,” said Israel Rodriguez, 51, who saw the wreck.

“One of the carriage drivers was dressed well, like Prince Charming,” he said. “But the horses started running and threw him out.”

We’ve seen this phenomenon countless times, haven’t we? I don’t know how many times I’ve seen seemingly smart and intelligent beings push their Prince Charming’s out of their lives. I just realized I need to stop sleeping in the living room while my mother watches the Lifetime channel. You know the channel, it’s the one that uses two formulas to decide on its programming choices: male = bad, female = good.

“I saw the horses take off across 65th St.,” [Dominick] Cappiello said. Within seconds, the buggy’s driver was on top of the Town Car, he said. “I was shocked. It was something like you see on TV,” Cappiello said.

A nearby light pole stopped the horses from running farther down 12th Ave. Police said the reins broke as the driver tried to steer the animals.

You’ll never have this much trouble getting a peanut butter treat, unless of course it’s still in that darn jar.

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